If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!

If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Their AGE

What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Plymouth Rock

Should you have your whole family for Thanksgiving dinner?
No, you should just have the turkey!

What sound does a turkey’s phone make?
Wing Wing

When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
In the dictionary!

How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
I’ll tell you at Christmas.

Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.

How much did the Mayflower weigh?
A Puri-TON

Why does a pilgrim’s pants always fall down?
Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!

What’s a turkey’s favorite song?
“I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas”

What sound does a space turkey make?
Hubble, hubble, hubble.

Why do turkeys always go “gobble, gobble”?
Because they never learned good table manners!

Why can’t you take a turkey to church?
Because they use such FOWL language

What are the feathers on a turkey’s wings called?
Turkey feathers

What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
The turkey trot

Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes – a building can’t jump at all

What do Hippies put on their Thanksgiving potatoes?
Groovy

What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving

Why should you keep your eye off the turkey dressing?
Because it makes him blush!

What happened when the turkey met the axe?
He lost his head!

Teacher: “Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?”
Student: “Maybe they missed their plane.”

Why was Plymouth Rock so brave?
It was a little boulder.

Teacher: “Why do we have a Thanksgiving holiday?”
Student: “So we know when to start Christmas shopping!”

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any leftovers?

When did the Pilgrims first say “God bless America?”
The first time they heard America sneeze!

What are unhappy cranberries called?
Blueberries!

How can you tell a male turkey from a female turkey?
The male is the one holding the remote control.

What do you call the dirt on a Pilgrim’s hands?
Pilgrime!

What is your favourite thing to make for Thanksgiving dinner?
Reservations!

Why didn’t the turkey eat dessert?
He was stuffed!

What’s blue and covered with feathers?
A turkey holding its breath!

What cat discovered America?
Christofurry Columbus!

Why was the monster tickled when he ate the turkey?
Because he forgot to pluck the feathers!

What’s the best way to stuff a turkey?
Take him out for pizza and ice cream!

How can you make a turkey float?
You need 2 scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a turkey

Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside

Asked to write a composition entitled, “What I’m thankful for on Thanksgiving,” little Johnny wrote, “I am thankful that I’m not a turkey.”

Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks

Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play

What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
The turKEY

What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
Boy! I’m stuffed!

What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Lots of drumsticks!

When the Pilgrims landed, where did they stand?
On their feet!

What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?
Your teeth!

What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an octopus?
Eight feather dusters!

What kind of vegetables would you like for Thanksgiving dinner?
Beets me!

What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
Your nose

Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?
To hatchet.

Why did the Pilgrim eat a candle?
He wanted a light snack!

What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
The letter “g”!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dewey.
Dewey who?
Dewey have to wait long to eat?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Waddle.
Waddle who?
Waddle I do if you don’t open the door?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up, I’m hungry!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gladys.
Gladys who?
Gladys Thanksgiving. Aren’t you?

What do rich people eat on Thanksgiving?
14 Karats

Where did the first corn come from?
The stalk brought it

Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
To keep his wigwam

What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
He had an arrow escape

Why don’t you eat fish on Thanksgiving?
Because Thanksgiving never falls on a FRY-day.

At age 4, success is...not peeing in your pants.
   At age 12, success is...having friends.
     At age 16, success is...having a driver's license.
       At age 20, success is...having sex.
        At age 35, success is...having money.
        At age 50, success is...having money.
       At age 60, success is...having sex.
     At age 70, success is...having a driver's license.
   At age 75, success is...having friends.
At age 90, success is...not peeing in your pants.

1. Plastic wrap on the toilet:

It’s a little gross, but this is a classic dorm prank. Just place a layer of plastic wrap between the toilet bowl and the seat. When a bleary-eyed college student stumbles into the bathroom before his 8 o’clock class, he’ll be in for a wet surprise. Just make sure you don’t have bathroom-cleaning duty that week.

2. Towel/robe theft:

This prank works best in a dorm with community bathrooms. When your roommate heads for the shower, sneak in after her and take away her towel or bathrobe. How far will she go to make it back to the room? Make sure to stick close by in case it causes a meltdown!

3. Marker fun:

We pity the poor college student who is the first one to pass out after a night of partying. That doesn’t mean we can’t still laugh at him, though. When the moment comes, grab a pack of markers and draw on your friend. Give him a new mustache, write embarrassing messages on his body, or wherever else inspiration (and beer) takes you. A variation on this prank is to use red lipstick to write a seductive message on a guy’s stomach or cover him with lip prints, so he’ll wonder exactly what happened to him last night.

4. Computer-based pranks:

Some technologically-minded students prefer to take their pranks online. Consider it pranking for a new millennium. For a quick and free prank, you can sign your roommate up for email newsletters on embarrassing topics. If you know her email password, change it so she can’t get her messages. If she leaves her instant-messaging program open at all times, write a new eyebrow-raising away message. You can also make small changes to the computer itself, such as adding an inappropriate image to the desktop. A great part of these pranks is that the changes are easily fixed, for when you want a moment of shock without doing any real damage.

5. “Contaminated” food:

The key to this prank is convincing the victim that he has eaten something disgusting, when in fact, he hasn’t. First, take photographic evidence of a piece of food being dirtied in some way (dipping it in the toilet, placing it in unmentionable places, etc.), then throw it out. After your victim has eaten a completely clean version of the food, show him the “evidence” and watch the retching begin. It’s one of the best dorm pranks because you’re not actually doing anything to harm the person; it’s all in the power of suggestion.

6. Dorm room + paper:

Since paper is so readily available, it makes for a cheap and easy dorm prank prop. One prank involves taking a large sheet of paper and taping it in front of the dorm room door, so the occupant is barricaded in her room. It’s good for a laugh, but it doesn’t make it impossible to leave the room. If you have more time and patience, another great way to use paper in a dorm room is to fill an entire closet with crumpled up newspaper. You’ll want to see the expression on her face when she opens the door and it all comes tumbling out.

7. Rearranged room:

When someone leaves the dorm for the day, rearrange his room. Move all the furniture, hang the posters on different walls, and change everything possible. For added fun, make sure everyone else on the floor is in on the joke, so they can act like they don’t see anything wrong when the victim returns. This prank requires some planning and assistance from like-minded individuals, but it’s another good prank for giving the victim a harmless surprise.

8. Universal remote:

If your dorm has a common area with a television, use a universal remote to change the channel as you walk by and enjoy the confusion that ensues. It’s a simple, yet effective, joke.

9. Money on the floor:

For another common-area prank, glue a coin to the floor, then sit back and watch as student after student tries to pick it up. An area near the laundry room would be an especially convincing place to glue quarters. It’s one of the best dorm pranks for providing a bit of harmless entertainment.

10. Crickets:

If you’d like to give someone a few sleepless nights, hide a box of crickets in his dorm room. While this prank wins points for overall annoyance, it does have the potential for getting you in trouble with dorm authorities, so use caution.

1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people–whether they are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don’t worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

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