One day, a long, long, time ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or bitch.

But it was a long time ago, and it was just that one day.

The End

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, “May I have 50 Christmas stamps?”
The clerk says, “What denomination?”
The blonde says, “God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.”

As I’ve Matured…
-I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
-I’ve learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.
-I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.
-I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
-I’ve learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
-I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.
-I’ve learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
-I’ve learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.
-I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you’re finished.
-I’ve learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.
-I’ve learned that ex’s are like fungus, and keep coming back.
-I’ve learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
-I’ve learned that I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.
-I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
-I’ve learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
-I’ve learned that 99% of the time when something isn’t working in your house, one of your kids did it.
-I’ve learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.
-I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.

* The Ford is from Ironic Sans
* The nokia, 3m, badyear, ferrari, xerox, downjones logos come are from Carlos Bornelli Jr
* The other logos are from Businesspundit