I hope you still have your sense of humor. Don’t want to offend anyone.
Oh, wait .. it’s a humor site ..

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a bowl of Lifesavers.
The children began to say:

Red…………cherry,”

Yellow………lemon,”
Green……….lime,”
Orange ……..orange,”

Finally the teacher gave them all honey Lifesavers. After eating them none of the children could identify the taste.

“Well,”she said, “I’ll give you all a clue; It’s what your mother may sometimes call your father.”

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her Lifesaver out and yelled:
Oh My God!!!! They’re @$$hole$!

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, so he calls a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination.

The farmer doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lie down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant. The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought.

He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the pigs himself. So, he loads them into his truck, drives them into the woods, has s*e*x with them all, brings them back and, exhausted, goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them to the woods again. He spends all day shagging them, and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud. “No,” she says, “they’re all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn.”