1. Choose your victim. He/she must use Microsoft Office for this to work. He/she must use it often. Anyone in mind?

2. Open Microsoft Word. Go to Tools -> AutoCorrect Options and change ordinary words with words that you want. Try replacing “yes” with “no”, “was” with “was not”, “got” with “gave”, “ate” with “threw up”, “love” with “invention to get laid for free” .. and the such ..

3. Laugh.

4. Laugh.

5. Run (if they find out).

Why Dogs don’t surf the web…

Can’t stick their heads out of Windows 2000.
Too difficult to “mark” every website they visit.
Can’t help attacking the screen when they hear “You’ve Got Mail.”
Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they’re browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
‘Cause dogs ain’t GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand…
Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manouever.
Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.masters.leg.
Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it’s the only time he hears someone tell him, “Wow, that’s a big one!”

What do most women miss most about being single?

Having sex!

A therapist told a woman to use some imagination while making love with her husband to spice things up.

She replied, “You mean imagine that it’s good?!”