Two guys are on duty at a french foreign legion fort. One says to the other one, “See that camel over there? I’ll bet you I can make him jump 30 feet in the air.

The other guy says “No way”.

The first guy walks around to the back of the camel with two bricks, reaches in between the camel’s legs and crashes the bricks together. The camel jumps 30 feet in the air.

A couple of days later the first guy says to the second guy, “I bet you I can make that camel nod his head yes, then shake his head no.”

The second guy says, “You got me last time, but there’s no way you can make that dumb animal nod his head yes then shake it no.”

The first guy takes the same two bricks, walks around to the front of the camel, holds up the bricks and says, “Remember what I did last time?”. (Camel nods). “Want me to do it again?”

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, “You are going to
meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about
you.”

The frog says, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or
what?”

“No,” says the psychic. “Next semester in her biology class.”

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster. The current rooster was still doing okay, but he was getting on in years, and the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn’t hurt anything. So he buys a young cock from the local rooster emporium and turns him loose in the barn yard. The old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he gets a little worried. “So, they’re trying to replace me”, thinks the old rooster. “I’ve got to do something about this”.

He walks up to the new bird and says, “So you’re the new stud in town? I bet you really think you’re hot stuff, don’t you? Well I’m not ready for the chopping block yet. I’ll bet I’m still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We’ll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself”. The young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. “You’re on” said the young rooster. “And since I know I’m so great, I’ll even give you a head start of half a lap. I’ll still win easy,” said the young rooster.

The two roosters went to the hen house to start the race and all the hens gathered to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the roosters on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy’s lead has slipped a little but he’s still hanging in there. Sadly, the old rooster’s lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he’s just barely in front of the young rooster.

By now the farmer has heard all the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun, and runs out to the barn yard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the hen house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away.

As he walks away slowly, he says to himself…….. “Damn, that’s the third gay rooster I’ve bought this month!”

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight
around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to
place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark
saying, “Jesus is watching you.”

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and
froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head,
promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked
the light back on and began searching for more valuables.� Just as
he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as
a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.”

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the
source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his
flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.� “Did you say that?” He
hissed at the parrot.

“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn
you.”

The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”

“Moses,” replied the bird.�

“Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of stupid people would name
a parrot Moses?”

The bird promptly answered, “Probably the same kind of people that
would name a Rotweiller “Jesus”!