A motorist pulls up to the gas pumps and says “fill it up, please”. The Attendant notices that the front and back seats of the car are
occupied by penguins.

“Hey Buddy” says the attendant to the driver, “These birds can’t be happy like this…they’re wild animals, you should take them to a zoo
or something..”

The motorist agrees to do so.

The next day the guy drives into the filling station and once more the attendant sees the penquins installed in the front and back seats, and they are all wearing sunglasses and holding towels…

“What’s this?” he says to the driver, “I thought you agreed to take these birds to the zoo?”

The driver says “I did…and they had such a great time that today I’m taking them to the beach.”

Why do seagulls live by the sea?
Because if they lived by the bay, they would be called baygulls!
(baygull-bagel. ha ha ha.)

What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?

MMmmmm, tastes like chicken!

What did the fish say when it swam into the concrete wall?

“Dam.”

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.

However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen.

A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But, the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and, hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds.
The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.

The moral of the story:

1. Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy.

2. Everyone who gets you out of the crap is not necessarily your friend.

3. And, if you’re warm and happy in a pile of crap, keep your mouth shut.