It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, “What are you charged with?”

“Doing my Christmas shopping early sir”, replied the defendant.

“Well that’s not an crime”, said the judge! “How early were you doing this shopping?”

“Before the store opened”, answered the prisoner.

Little miss muffet… sat on her tuffet… eating her kurds and way.
Along came a spider, who sat down beside her, and said: “hey, whats
in the bowl bitch?!”

What did the lion say when he saw two hunters in a jeep?

Meals on Wheels!

3 elderly gentlemen were sitting on a park bench discussing what the meanest animal in the world was.

The first said, “The meanest animal in the world is a Hippopotamus, cause it’s got such big jowls. One bite and your gone.”

The second shook his head and said “Nah, hippo may be mean, but ain’t nothing meaner than an alligator. He got a big mouth and all them teeth, snap ?, one bite, ha, one swallow, you gone.”

The third gentleman sat for a moment, and finally he spoke and said, ” No sir, the meanest aninmal in the world is a hippagator.”

The other two in disbelief inquired as to what in the world is a hippagator, believing there was no such animal.

The gentleman slowly began to explain, ” A hippagator got a hippo head on one end, and an ‘gator head on the other”

“WAIT ! interrupted the others, “If he has a head on both ends, How does he shit ?”

The reply was simply,” He don’t, that’s what makes him so mean”.

So ,this penguin goes into a bar and says to the barman “have you seen my brother?”… and the barman says “I don’t know, what does he look like?” (ba-dum-tish)