The phone call…A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said,
“How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!” and hung up.

Curious, the husband said, “Who was that?”

And his lovely wife replies, “I don’t any idea who it was.
It was some stupid woman wanting to know “if the coast is clear.”

The Tearful Bride…

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, “Robert doesn’t appreciate what I do for him.”

“Now, now,” her mother comforted, “I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.”

“No, mother,” you don’t understand.
“I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!”

“Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!” says her mom.
“Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars.”

“No, mother it wasn’t the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket.”
“Airplane ticket…. What did you need an airplane ticket for?”

“Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said -
‘Prepare from a frozen state,’ so I flew to Alaska!”

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice.
The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day for 30 days.
This, he promised, would help her lose as much as twenty pounds.The blonde follows the doctor’s advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she’d indeed lost twenty pounds.

She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:

“How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?”

A Blonde walks into a Restaraunt, and she goes straight to the bulletin board in the back. She looks at the bulletin board and sees a piece of paper that sais “Ocean Cruise Only 5$”.

She pulls the piece of paper off the wall and goes to the address listed on the back of paper. She walks into the building and hands the secretary the piece of paper.

The secretary nods and asks if she had the five dollars. The blonde nods and pulls five dollars out of her pocket and hands it to the secretary.

The secretary looks over to a burly black guy reading a news paper. She nods to the black guy. He stands up and knocks the blonde unconcious.

When the blonde wakes up, she’s tied to a log and is floating down river. She started to think that this was a bad idea, when all of a sudden she sees one of her friends, (who is also blonde) tied to a log floating right next to her.

The blonde she looks at her freind and says “So do you think they’re going to serve us some food on this trip?”

And the other blonde replies “They didn’t serve any last year?”

A Sailor is sitting at a bar one night and is chatting it up with a beautiful blonde. After some drinks she starts to cry and tell him the sad story that she is Polish and misses home terribly but can’t afford to buy a ticket to go home.

The sailor tells her his profession and makes a deal with her.
“I’ll hide you away on my ship on one condition.
You have to have sex with me when I ask.”

She hugs him, crys and agrees. So late that night they sneak on to his ship and he hides her in a big life boat with a canvas cover. He tells her he’ll bring her food and water and she’ll just have to stay hidden because she’ll be in big trouble if she’s caught.

So for the next three weeks he brings her rations every day and sleeps with her every night.

Finally one day the captain is strolling on deck, sees something suspicious and lifts the cover discovering the girl. He yells “STOWAWAY!”

Scared she explains: “Dont be mad at me sir. One of your sailors stowed me away to take me home to Poland, and is having sex with me for payment!”

“No kidding? Lady… this is the Staten Island Ferry!”