Manliness defines the physical and behavioral attributes of a real man. (Not a woman, a man.) The subject of much scholarly debate, manliness is regularly addressed in such peer-reviewed journals as Playgirl and Men Magazine. The world’s great inebriated leaders and visionaries, such as Winston Churchill, John F. Kennedy, and George W. Bush are manly, not only because they’re men, but because they’re men who will drink a pint of whiskey and can still run a country and/or take a bullet.
Manliness, like religion, is a truth that permeates all cultures, languages, and action movie studios. However, not all cultures are of equal manliness; Canadians for example are considerably less manly, (although more wealthy), than Mexicans. Moreover, a truly manly man is someone who cuts to the chase, calls it like it is, and sips cognac while playing tackle football in a trenchcoat.
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish…………………………….49.
Adventurous………………….Slept with everyone.
Athletic…………………………..No breasts.
Average looking……………..Moooo.
Beautiful………………………..Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure……….On medication.
Feminist…………………………Fat.
Free Spirit……………………..Junkie.
Friendship first………………Former Slut.
New-Age………………………..Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned…………………No B.J.’s
Open-minded………………….Desperate.
Outgoing…………………………Loud and embarrassing.
Professional……………………Bitch.
Voluptuous……………………..Very fat.
Large frame……………………Hugely fat.
Wants soul mate……………..Stalker.
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Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest that he has committed adultery.
“Oh, no,” said the priest, thinking of the most promiscuous women in town. “Was it with Marie Brown?”
“I’d rather not say who it was.”
“Was it with Betty Smith?” Read More…
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One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.
“Oh, that,” Frank said. “Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box.” Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn’t so bad.
“But what about the 10,000 dollars?”
“Every time I got a dozen, I sold them.”
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During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer.
“Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.” He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says, Read More…
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I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.
“I’m sorry,” the clerk said. “This man just ordered our last bunch.” The desperate customer turned to me and begged, “May I please have those roses?”
“What happened?” I asked. “Did you forget your wedding anniversary?”
“It’s even worse than that,” he confided. “I broke my wife’s hard drive!”
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