How do you prevent a Lawyer from drowning?

Shoot him before he hits the water!

The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps with
pictures of favorite lawyers on them.

The people that use them don�t know which side to spit on!

Having lawyers create laws is like have doctors create diseases!

Saint Peter was having a slow day at the Pearly Gates so he took a little stroll. He noticed that the fence between heaven and hell was in need of some repair. So he hollers over the fence to Lucifer.

Saint Peter: “This fence needs some repair. I’ll see to it that it gets fixed if you will help pay for it.”

Lucifer: “If you want it fixed, you pay for it.”

Saint Peter: “The fence is partly your responsibility and you will help pay for it or I will sue you for that amount.”

Lucifer: “Ha!! And where do you think you are going to get a lawyer?!”

The Pope died and went to heaven. When he got there, he found a lawyer in line in front of him at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter came over and told the Pope, “Just a minute, I’ll be right back”.
At that, Saint Peter took the lawyer away.

When Saint Peter came back, he told the Pope, “Follow me to your new quarters.” Along the way they passed many people in their heavenly abodes, and they happened to pass by the quarters of the lawyer who had preceded Saint Peter through the Pearly Gates. The Pope was awe-struck by the opulence and splendor of the lawyer’s quarters. There were fine silks, rare foods and drinks, soft music, and attractive young women to serve him for eternity.

Saint Peter and the Pope finally arrived at the Pope’s new quarters. The Pope looked in and saw a 6 foot by 9 foot room with bare walls, a plain bed and a Bible for entertainment. The Pope said, “I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I am wondering why the lawyer gets such a magnificent room and I get this small room.

Saint Peter said, “Well, you see, we have a great many popes here in heaven, but only ONE lawyer.”