20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching television and one yokel is now holding his mobile in his hand

A woman likes to have four animals in the house: a jaguar in front of the doorway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskulll to pay for this all.

Are these your eyes, I found them between my brests!

At this moment i have a déjà vu and a loss of memory at the same time. I thin I have forgotten this before.

Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old! Read More…

Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween? A. Ghoul-aid!!!

Q. Why can’t the boy ghost have babies? A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.

Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night? A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Q. What do ghosts say when something is really neat? A.Ghoul

Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar? A. For the Boos.

Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? A. He didn’t have a haunting license.

Q. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? A. He is mist.

Q. Why is a ghost such a messy eater? A. Because he is always a goblin.

Q. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? A. A toasty ghosty.

Q. What tops off a ghost’s ice cream sundae? A. Whipped scream.

Q: Why can’t Boy Ghosts make babies?? A: Because they have Hollow-Weenies!

Q. What are ghosts’ favorite kind of streets? A. Dead ends

Q. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? A. Mas-scare-a.

Q. Who was the most famous ghost detective? A. Sherlock Moans.

Q. What did the ghost say to the man at the coffee shop? A. Scream or sugar!

Q. Where does a ghost refuel his porche? A. At a ghastly station.

Q. What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? A. A boo-tie.

1. Growing old is mandatory: growing up is optional.
2. Forget the health food, I need all the preservatives I can get!
3. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while your down there.
4. Your getting very old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5. It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask the questions.
6. Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
7. Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

1. You believe in Santa Claus.
2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3. You are Santa Claus.
4. You look like Santa Claus.

1. Weed
2. Vancouver: 2 million people and two bridges
3. The local hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder
4. The local wine doesn’t taste like malt vinegar
5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown
6. A university with a nude beach Read More…