1. War sucks.
2. You CAN have too many women.
3. Smart people wear glasses.
4. Music foreshadows plot.
5. The less you care about sex, the more opportunities you’ll get.

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• Unlike baseball, players dont readjust their testicles before each swing.
• Unlike boxing, players dont chomp on each others ears or punch them in the groin.
• Unlike tennis, players dont grunt like Cro Magnon men with each effort.
• Unlike basketball, players dont elbow each other in the ribs for better position.
• Unlike auto racing, spectators dont have to breathe noxious fumes or be forced to listen to “The Achy Breaky Song” on the loud speaker.
• Unlike soccer, the fans dont spit on or trample each other to death if their favorite team loses.
• Unlike bowling, no one knows your shoe size.
• Unlike polo, players dont need to be smug yuppie aristocratic inbred dweebs.
• Unlike football, players dont tell the ref to do a physically impossible act to himself.
• Unlike wrestling, spectators have all their teeth.

* I have to try out this new hat.
* I haven’t played the course in ten years since I moved away.
* I heard a new sand trap was added to #4.
* I heard golf is much easier when you’re sober, so I have to try it.
* I heard the course is flat – I always play well on flat courses.
* I heard they cut the greens again. I have to try them out.
* I heard they got rid of the port-o-potty at the turn.
* I have to crown the new bathroom. Read More…