SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: Stupidity is not for everyone. Do not use stupidity if you don’t want to succeed. Do not use stupidity if you are driving or operating machinery. Do not use stupidity if you are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant. Side effects may include: pregnancy, injury, death, fiscal losses, injury to others, or death to others. Always consult your doctor before beginning any cycle of stupidity. Ask your doctor if stupidity is right for you [hint: it isn't].
Idiots have played a vital role in history, teaching early humans what happens if you place your hand in fire, get on the bad side of a large, angry animal, or look directly down the barrel of your spear. In fact, idiots have often been held responsible for starting the Cold War. Many people scorn the idiot, saying that they have no value to society, and that they should be exterminated. They are probably right, but it was this kind of thinking that led to the Holocaust. Actually, the United States had a plan to exterminate the idiot population, but this plan was scrapped when they realised that in doing this they would be wiping out at least 63% of their populace. Russia had the same idea, but they too had to terminate the plan because Idiots are the currency there.
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
”Emma come first. I come. Dennis come and Dennis come again. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.”
”You foul-mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. ”In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public.”
”Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. ”Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.”
One day three women were at a beauty parlor talking about their husbands. The first woman says, ”Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn’t there!”
”I know!” the next woman says, ”Last night my husband said he was going to his brother’s house but when I called he wasn’t there.”
The third woman says, ”I always know where my husband is.”
”Impossible!” both women say, ”He has you completely fooled!”
”Oh no,” says the woman. ”I’m a widow.”
Did you hear about the shoe factory that burnt down?
Two hundred soles were lost.
A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, “Stop making love down there!”
“What’s the matter with you?” the husband said when the sailor climbed down. ‘”We weren’t making love.”
“Sorry,” said the sailor, “From up there it looked like you were.”
Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top.
The husband says to himself, “By golly he’s right! It DOES look like they’re making love down there!”
It was a typically busy, crowded, chaotic Friday before a holiday at the Atlanta International Airport. Travelers, friends, relatives, airport personnel, pilots, flight attendants, the handicapped and infirm being transported through the throngs of shoulder to shoulder people.
At one of the packed, ticket counters all of the ticket agents were doing their best to politely process each passenger Read More…
