SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: Stupidity is not for everyone. Do not use stupidity if you don’t want to succeed. Do not use stupidity if you are driving or operating machinery. Do not use stupidity if you are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant. Side effects may include: pregnancy, injury, death, fiscal losses, injury to others, or death to others. Always consult your doctor before beginning any cycle of stupidity. Ask your doctor if stupidity is right for you [hint: it isn't].
Idiots have played a vital role in history, teaching early humans what happens if you place your hand in fire, get on the bad side of a large, angry animal, or look directly down the barrel of your spear. In fact, idiots have often been held responsible for starting the Cold War. Many people scorn the idiot, saying that they have no value to society, and that they should be exterminated. They are probably right, but it was this kind of thinking that led to the Holocaust. Actually, the United States had a plan to exterminate the idiot population, but this plan was scrapped when they realised that in doing this they would be wiping out at least 63% of their populace. Russia had the same idea, but they too had to terminate the plan because Idiots are the currency there.
A young man has a great date planned with a hot chick, unfortunately heÂ’s also got a bad case of gas. Upon arriving at the girlÂ’s house to pick her up, he meets the parents and waits for her in the living room while she finishes getting ready.
At this point his stomach is turning and heÂ’s doing the best he can to hold his gas. This is some serious stuff too, beer and beef burrito farts – the stuff dreams are made of. Luckily, just before he was about to explode Spot, the family dog, jumps on his lap as he sits on the couch. He figures itÂ’s safe to let out alittle bit of the pressure and and if anyone notices theyÂ’ll think that the dog did it.
He farts, and the woman yells, “Spot, get down from there.” The guy thinks to himself, “Thank God! They think the dog did it.” Seizing the opportunity, he lets out another fart and the woman, again, yells for the dog to get down.
This goes on for a few more farts when, finally, the woman yells loudly, “Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you!”
Doctor, Doctor, YouÂ’’ve got to help me – I just canÂ’’t stop my hands shaking!
”“Do you drink a lot?”
“Not really – I spill most of it!”
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“If you’re going to work here young man, ” said the boss, “the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm.” “Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?” “Oh, yes, sir.” responded the young man. “And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat.” said the boss.
