A computer is a fun box (note derivation from the original Portuguese “Computador”) filled with unicorns and goblins, happy magical super magic, rainbows, wart toads computer games and brazillions and brazillions (note that Portuguese is spoken in Brazil by the Brazillions) of funographic images and videos that can do simple things like milking a cat, mathematical operations (not real ones though, as these are typically carried out by armies of human slaves, in large facilities called ‘schools’) and compose essays.
It’s other purposes include destruction of mankind, giving Bill Gates reasons to get filthy rich, and whacking your someone in the head(Yes!!!). It has been known to drive people up the wall while using it, which scientists think will lead to gay hockey players and several species of flying cow. It has been likened unto a potent sled dog that sucks the user into habitual addictive behaviors.
If you have fatigued your computer, it will start to moan in a rather bothering fashion. If this does happen you should get off as fast as possible, as not to get that magic juice on you. Magic juice has been known to cause extreme horniness for sharp objects.
9. E-mail flames from some guy named “Fluffy.”
8. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.
7. You find you’ve been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt.recreational.catnip.
6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it… and a strange aroma of tuna.
5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computers, Inc. about thier release of “CyberDog.”
4. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.
3. You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.
2. On IRC you’re known as the IronMouser.
and the #1 Sign Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password…
1. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.
Amdahl’s Law: The speed-up achievable on a parallel computer can be significantly limited by the existence of a small fraction of inherently sequential code which cannot be parallelised. (Gene Amdahl)
Augustine’s Second Law of Socioscience: For every scientific (or engineering) action, there is an equal and opposite social reaction. (Norman Augustine)
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486 – The average IQ needed to understand a P.C. state – of – the – art computer you can’t afford.
Obsolete – Any computer you own.
Microsecond – The time it takes for your State – of – the – art computer to become obsolete.
Syntax Error – “Hello, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.
GUI (pronounced “gooey”) – What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.
Computer Chip – Any starchy food stuff consumed in mass quantities while programming.
Keyboard – The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse – An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
Floppy – The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
Hard Drive- The sales technique employed by most computer salesmen.
Portable Computer – A device invented to force business men to work at home, on vacation and on business trips.
Disk Crash – A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
Power User – Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.
System Update – A quick method of trashing ALL of your current software.
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