12 Step Program of Recovery for Web Addicts:

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Web.

2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

3) I will get dressed before noon.

4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.

5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.

6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.

7) I will read a book…if I still remember how.

I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.

9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.

12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime … and the Web will always be there tomorrow!

Is there a 12 step, support group, or such?
For those of us folks who chat on line too much?
If there was a group, I would like it just fine,
Except that it prob’bly would be here online!

Are there therapists here? I think I saw some.
Its got me, its got me, its power is AWESOME!
It’s my new computer, I’ve had it one week,
Now I look in the mirror and I see a real “geek.”

Or maybe a geekess, but I see the signs.
Please help me, please help me, please get me offline!
Or better, please Email a burger and fries,
‘Cause I’m staying ONLINE, at least ’til I die!

Tech Support: “What does the screen say now.”
Person: “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”

Tech Support: “Well?”
Person: “How do I know when it’s ready?”

Signs you’ve had too much of the 90′s!

You try to enter your password on the microwave. You now think of three espressos as “getting wasted. You haven’t played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.

You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back “What’s for dinner?”

You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven’t spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.

You didn’t give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your online buddies via a Web page.

The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is totally foreign to you.

You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.

And finally… You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person!

Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your Support waiter.
Waiter. What seems to be the problem?

Patron: There’s a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time.
Patron: No, it’s still there.
Waiter: Maybe it’s the way you’re using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!

Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it’s a configuration problem.
How was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?!

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check.
I’m running late now!

[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]

Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn’t ready yet.
Patron: Well, I’m so hungry now, I’ll eat anything.

[waiter leaves.]

Patron: Waiter! There’s a gnat in my soup!

The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . $1.00