A blonde with two burnt ears went to the doctor, who asked what had happened.

“The phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the iron.”

“What about the other one?”

“They called back.”

A blonde was standing in front of a pop machine. Her boyfriend looks over and hears her screaming at the machine…

“You’re a dumb-looking button!” “You don’t have much of a future, either!” “You’re going to be replaced by a much better looking button!” “I’ve got better looking buttons than you in my dresser drawer!”

Thinking she flipped her lid, her boyfriend walks over to see what the fuss is about.

“What in the heck are you doing?” her boyfriend asks.

The blonde quickly points to the sign on the front of the machine that reads… “DEPRESS BUTTON FOR ICE”.

A blonde named Anna had a near death experience. The other day when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her

might to hang on, but was thrown off.

Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got

caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued

to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down.

Just as she was giving up hope and

losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplug it.

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.

In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The

contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it,

and yelled out “GREEN SIDE UP! “In the second room she told the

painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote

this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled

“GREEN SIDE UP!” The lady was somewhat curious but she said

nothing.

In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm

rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window,

opened it and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!”

The lady then asked him, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side

up’?”

“I’m sorry,” came the reply. “But I have a crew of blondes

laying sod across the street.”

When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the attractive blonde bowed her head slightly and said,

“No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink.”

“Why is that,” the host asked?

Her reply… “Because after one drink I can feel it; after two drinks …anyone can!”