Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?

A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece

Mary Simpson was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to her best friend, “They’re driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest and I’m half-way to the nut hatch.”

“What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself,” her friend said.

So Mary bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going.

“Superb! I can’t believe it,” Mary said. “I get in that pen with a good book and the kids don’t bother me one bit!”

By the way – Mary is blonde.

There was a Blond and a Brunette on an airplane.
All of a sudden the engine blew and they started to crash!
There was only one parachute and a flashlight.

The Brunette grabbed the parachute and the flashlight and said to the blond, “Ok, This is a magic flashlight, I will shine it on the ground and you can slide down the beam of light! Then I will follow you with the parachute.”

The blond looked at her sceptically and said, “Do you think I am that dumb? I know when I am halfway down you’re gonna turn it off!”

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She’d seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary “tools” together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.

Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!!!”

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another hole in the ice.

Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!!”

The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole in the ice.

The voice came once more, “FOR THE LAST TIME, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!”
She stopped, looked skyward, and said, “Is that you, Lord?”

The voice replied, “NO you idiot!…this is the Ice-Rink Manager.”