An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess”.

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.”

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The engineer said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”

Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot.

So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn’t even wiggle.

Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, “Whoa! What are we going to do?”

Said the other ant: “I don’t know about you, but I’m going to get on the ball.”

This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with an octopus under his arm and says, “I’ll bet any of you that my octopus can play any instrument that you give him.”

Two guys bet fifty dollars each that the octopus can’t play their instruments.

The first guy hands over his French horn and the octopus starts to play it.

The second guy hands over his tuba and sure enough the octopus starts to play it.

The bartender then walks into the back room and comes back five minutes later with a set of bagpipes and bets all the money in the drawer that the octopus wouldn’t be able to play it. He hands over the bagpipes to the octopus and waits.

After about a minute of watching the octopus run its tentacles over the bagpipe the owner of the octopus says, “Come on now! Play it!”

The octopus replies, “What do you mean play it?! If I can figure out how to get the plaid pajamas off of it, I’m gonna screw it!”