Scientifically speaking, the term Animals includes everything from single-celled organisms all the way down to people. For legal reasons there are some specific exclusions, including Oprah, Hamsters and God.
According to ancient legend, all animals came from space and are Atheists (they believe he is non existent). Thereafter, people kept them in rounded metallic spheres and summoned them forth to use special powers in order to battle with each other. When they wanted the animals to come out of their spheres, they would say “[Aadvark, Llama, etc], I choose you!” and throw the sphere to the ground. Eventually, after fighting alot these animals would evolve, which became the basis for Darwin’s theory of evolution.
There was a farmer. He had alot of chickens but had no roosters.
So in order to get eggs he went and got a rooster. The man he got the rooster form told him that the rooster would screw everything in sight. But the farmer wanted the rooster anyway.
So he took it home and it screwed all the chickens. After a while it started screwing all the other farm animals.
So one day the farmer walked up to the rooster and said,”Ya better stop screwing everything or you will screw yourself to death!” But the rooster just kept on screwing.
One day the farmer was walking through the field, and he found the rooster laying on the ground with buzzards flying all around.
So he walked up to the rooster and said,”I told you you’d screw yourself to death!” then the rooster opened his eyes and said, – “SHUT-UP! I’m trying to get them to land!”
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A Chicken and an Egg were lying in bed one night. The chicken smoking a cigarette with a smug grin on its face, the egg looking thoroughly ticked off.
The egg looks at the chicken and says,
“Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!”
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There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods…
Cats have never forgotten this.
Here’s proof that Cats are smarter than dogs…
You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God!Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel.
I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.My husband said it was him or the cat… I miss him sometimes.
Cats aren’t clean, they’re just covered with cat spit!
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How to catch a polar bear:
Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond. Cut a large hole in the ice. Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file. Hide behind a nearby rock. When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!
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Q. How many animals can you get into one pair of pantyhose?
A. Several. Ten little piggies, two calves, many hares, one ass and a beaver!
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