A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. ‘Wow, this is great,’ he thought.

It wasn’t long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.

“Hey,” he called. “I’m a rabbit from the laboratory and I’ve just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?”
“Yes. Come and join us,” they cried.

Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. I tasted so good. “What else do you wild rabbits do?” he asked.

“Well,” one of them said. “You see that field there? It’s got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.”

This, he couldn’t resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful.

Later, he asked them again, “What else do you do?”

“You see that field there? It’s got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well.”

The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. “Is there anything else you guys do?” he asked.

One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly.
“There’s one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there, “he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. “They’re girls. We shag them. Go and try it.”

Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning shagging his little heart out until, completely spent, he staggered back over to the guys.
“That was fantastic,” he panted.

“So are you going to live with us then?” one of them asked.
“I’m sorry, I had a great time but I can’t.”

The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. “Why? We thought you liked it here.”

“I do,” our friend replied. “But I must get back to the laboratory. I’m dying for a cigarette!”

A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender “give us two beers over here!”

The bartender walks over and see’s the octopus and he says, “Didn’t you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!”

The man say’s to the bartender, “oh but you don’t understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have.”

The bartender replied back, “well I’ll tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!”

The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar. He puts it down on the bar.

The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. He’s so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks!

The bartender was amazed and says, “alright lets try one more”.
This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes and promptly put them on the bar and says “lets see him play this!”

The octopus starts crawling all over the bagpipes. He continues this for quite awhile.

The bartender shouted out ” See I knew he couldn’t play all these instruments!”

And the man replies, “Just give him a few more minutes…
as soon as he figures out he can’t have sex with it, he’ll play it!”

Dog Property Laws

1. If I like it, it’s mine.
2. If its in my mouth, it’s mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
5. If I’m chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway.
7. If it just looks like mine, its mine.
8. If I saw it first, its mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If its broken, its yours.

There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow and he wanted to get them bred, so borrowed his neighbor’s bull and turned it loose in the pasture.

He told his son to watch and come in and tell him when the bull was finished.

“Yeah daddy, yeah daddy,” said the little boy.

After a while the boy came into the living where his father was talking with some friends.

“Say, Pop,” said the boy. “Yes,” replied his father. “The bull just screwed the brown cow!”

There was a sudden lull in the conversation. The father said “Excuse me” and took his son outside.

“Son, you mustn’t use language like that in front of company. You should say ‘The bull “surprised” the brown cow’. Now go and watch and tell me when the bull “surprises” the white cow.”

The father went back inside the house. After a while the boy came in and said, “Hey, Daddy!” “Yes, son. Did the bull “surprise” the white cow?”

“He sure did, Pop! He screwed the brown cow again!”

A little girl asks her Mom, “May I take the dog for a walk around the block?” Mom says, “No honey, the dog is in heat.” “What’s that mean?” asked the child. “Go ask your Father. I think he’s in the garage”. The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and said I should ask you”.

Her Dad said, “Bring Susie over here”.

He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog’s rear end with it and said, “Ok, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block”. The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Her Dad asks, “Where’s Susie?”

The girl replies, “Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block -and there’s another dog pushing her home!