One day there was a little puppy dog laying beside one of the rails on a railroad track.

He fell asleep,and while he was sleeping his tail ended up on the rail, and by that time a train came along and cut off his tail,he look around to see what happen and the train cut off his head——

Do you know what the moral of the story is?

Dont lose your head over a little piece of tail !!

A duck walks into a drugstore and says to the pharmacist, “Gimme a chap stick.”

The pharmacist asks the duck, “Will that be cash or charge?” The duck replies, “Just put it on my bill.”

The next day, the duck goes back to the drugstore and says to the clerk, “Give me a box of condoms.”

The clerk says, “Do you want me to also put them on your bill?” The duck says, “Hell no, I’m not that kind of duck!”

A person wanted a parrot who talked.�Going to the pet store, this lover of talking parrots asked if there was a bird who was already speaking.

“Yes,” the pet store owner said, “this bird has a vocabulary of about 1000 words plus 50 phrases guaranteed to fit most occasions.”

The deal was made and the parrot was brought home complete with a cage. The next day the purchaser went back and said the parrot had yet to say a word.�

“That’s to be expected,” said the pet shop owner. “Try getting the bird a few of the toys that were here for the bird to use in the shop.�It just needs to feel at home with you.”�Toys were purchased and a day went by. The parrot’s owner returned and said there still had been no talking.�

“I see,” said the pet shop owner.�”Perhaps if you got a bird bath, the parrot would start to talk while using it.”�A bird bath was purchased and yet another day went by. The next day the owner was back with the same complaint.� This time the pet shop owner mentioned that sometimes the bird had been praised in its training by being allowed to ring a little bell.

The parrot’s owner bought the bell reluctantly. The following day the parrot’s owner was there waiting as the store opened.�”Still no luck?” asked the store owner.

“No. Nothing said yet,” answered the bird’s owner. “Well, I bet the bird’s just lonesome for some of the birds here at the shop.” “What?�You want me to buy another bird!?!” yelped the unhappy owner of the parrot.

“No, no, calm down,” reassured the store owner.� “All you have to do is get a mirror and the bird will think it has a companion.”

At last the sale of a mirror was agreed upon. The pet store owner the next day opened the store and found the troublesome customer had returned … this time with the parrot, only it was dead! “What happened?” asked the store owner, “Did the bird ever talk?”�

“Yes, right before it died it said: What’s the matter? Don’t they sell birdseed at the pet store anymore?”

This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbor is going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor’s house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, “Did you hear that Fluffy died?”. The guy stumbles around and says, “Um.. er.. no.. what happened?”. The neighbor replies, “We just found him dead in his cage one day. But the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!”

Basic Rules for Cats Who Have a House to Run

1. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, shag is good.

2. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it.After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things, This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season.

3. GUESTS: Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that human’s lap. If you can, arrange to have “Friskies Fish n’ Glop” on your breath. For sitting on laps or rubbing against clothing, select fabric color which contrasts well with your fur. For example: white furred cats go to black wool clothing. For the guest who claims, “I love kitties,” be ready with aloof disdain; apply claws to stockings or use a quick nip on the ankle. When walking among the dishes on the dinner table, be prepared to look surprised and hurt when scolded. The idea is to convey, “But you always allow me on the table when company isn’t here.” Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It isn’t necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

4. WORK: If one of your humans is sewing or writing and another is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called helping, otherwise known as hampering. Following are the rules for hampering: A. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You can’t be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on, picked up and consoled. B. For book readers, get in close under the chin, between the human’s eyes and the book, unless you can lie across the book itself. If it is a news paper, claw at it until shredded.