Scientifically speaking, the term Animals includes everything from single-celled organisms all the way down to people. For legal reasons there are some specific exclusions, including Oprah, Hamsters and God.
According to ancient legend, all animals came from space and are Atheists (they believe he is non existent). Thereafter, people kept them in rounded metallic spheres and summoned them forth to use special powers in order to battle with each other. When they wanted the animals to come out of their spheres, they would say “[Aadvark, Llama, etc], I choose you!” and throw the sphere to the ground. Eventually, after fighting alot these animals would evolve, which became the basis for Darwin’s theory of evolution.
9. E-mail flames from some guy named “Fluffy.”
8. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.
7. You find you’ve been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt.recreational.catnip.
6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it… and a strange aroma of tuna.
5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computers, Inc. about thier release of “CyberDog.”
4. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.
3. You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.
2. On IRC you’re known as the IronMouser.
and the #1 Sign Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password…
1. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.
A man rushed into the veterinarian’s office carrying his dog, thoroughly distraught. The vet examined the dog’s still, limp body and sadly informed the man that the dog was dead.
Saddened at the loss of his best friend, the man asked the doctor if he could please try one last time to revive the dog. The doctor stepped into his other room and returned with a cat in a wire cage. He set the cage on the examining table and opened the sliding door.
The cat got up, stretched, stepped out of the cage and slowly walked around the dog from head to tail sniffing the body. When it was finished, it looked up at the veterinarian with a �meow�, walked back into the cage and went back to sleep.
The vet looked at the man and said in his best bedside manner, “I’m sorry, but there is nothing I can do.�
Resigned, the man signed and said, “Thanks for trying. How much do I owe you?”
“Three-hundred fifty dollars,” the doctor replied.
“Thr . . . thr . . .three-hundred fif-fif-fifty bucks to tell me my dog is dead!” the man stammered.
“Well, it was only $50 for the office visit. The other $300 is for the CAT scan.”
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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says… “Why the long
face?”
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A man walks into a doctors office one day with a frog on his head.
He sits down and the doctor says, “What’s the problem?”
The frog says, “Doctor, is there any way you can get this wart off my ass?”
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