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Animals Jokes


Scientifically speaking, the term Animals includes everything from single-celled organisms all the way down to people. For legal reasons there are some specific exclusions, including Oprah, Hamsters and God.

According to ancient legend, all animals came from space and are Atheists (they believe he is non existent). Thereafter, people kept them in rounded metallic spheres and summoned them forth to use special powers in order to battle with each other. When they wanted the animals to come out of their spheres, they would say “[Aadvark, Llama, etc], I choose you!” and throw the sphere to the ground. Eventually, after fighting alot these animals would evolve, which became the basis for Darwin’s theory of evolution.

New dinosaur found!

Q: What do you get when you mix a dinosaur and a lesbian?

A: A Lickalotapuss!

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Lonely Cow in Field

Q: What do you call a bull in the middle of a field spanking his monkey?

A: Beef Stroganoff

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Smitty the Parrot\’s Birthday

Harry says to his pet parrot Smitty, “What do you want for your birthday?” Smitty says, “I want to get laid.”

So Harry takes Smitty to a parrot whore house, gives him a hundred bucks, and Smitty goes upstairs with a hot-looking parrot whore.

After a few minutes, Harry hears really loud screeching and squawking, so he runs upstairs and into the room.

There’s Smitty, holding down the whore parrot and yanking out her colorful feathers.

“Harry, says Smitty, what the hell are you doing?”

Smitty says, “For a hundred bucks I want her nude!”

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No Brakes

Did you ever hear about Blitzen the Brown nosed reindeer?

He is twice as fast as Rudolf but doesn’t stop as quick!

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Another chicken crosses the road.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To show the squirrel it CAN be done!

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