There were once three guys with no dicks. They all went to the doctor’s. The first guy says, “Doctor, doctor, you’ve got to help me!” “What’s the problem?” asks the doctor.

“I have no dick!”

So the doctor gives him a metal dick and tells him to come back in a week.

The next guy comes in and says, “Doctor, doctor, you’ve got to help me!”

“What’s wrong?” the doctor asks.

“I have no dick!”

The doctor gives him a wooden dick and tells him to come back in a week.

The last guy comes in and has the same problem. The doctor gives him an electrical dick, and also tells him to come back in a week.

A week later,the first guy with the metal dick goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, doctor, I hate you, I hate you!”

“Why?” asks the doctor.

“Well, everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, she starts to shiver!” He walks out.

The next guy with the wooden dick comes in and says, “Doctor! I hate you!”

“Why?” the doctor asks.

“Everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters up there!” He walks out.

The last guy with the electrical dick walks in and says, “Doctor, doctor! I love you, I love you!”

“Why?”

“Everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, her boobs light up!”

Three guys made a competition to see who would make a girl scream louder in bed.

The first one went in, meanwhile the other two stayed out and listened to the girl moan for a bit.

The second one went in and the girl screamed a little bit harder.

When the third one went in, the girl SCREAMED! and SCREAMED! About an hour later the girl came out moaning.

The first guy asked “Wow, how did you do that?” The guy, all tired and wet replied “I simply used my head”.

A husband leaves the house to go pick up dinner for he and his wife. Shortly after leaving, the doorbell rings.

It is her husbands best friend and she invites him in. Since she is in her bathrobe the man says to her “you have the nicest breasts”. She says “thanks but my husband would be mad if he heard you”.

He replies “I would pay you $10 just to see one of them”. She thinks for a minute and decides to do it.

He says “Wow that is the most perfect breast I ever saw….I will give you another $10 if you show me both at the same time”.

She does it, and he gives her the money. The friend leaves and her husband comes home. She says “your best friend just stopped by”. He answers “Great did he leave the $20 he owed me”

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. The barman gives it to him and he gulps in down in one swoop.

“Hey buddy, you must be having it rough. Whats up with you?” says the bartender.

“Well, I got home early from work last night and found my wife and my best friend in bed with each other!”

“Thats terrible pal, the next drink is on the house.” So the bartender gives him another triple scotch and again he gulps it down. “If you don’t mind me asking, what did you say to your wife?”

“I told her I’ve had enough and I want a divorce!”

“Good for you! You said the right thing. So what did you say to your best friend?”

“Well, I walked up to him, looked him straight in the eyes and said… …BAD DOG!”

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen.

“What’s wrong dearest??” asked the confused husband.

“Oh darling,” sobbed the wife, “I was cleaning little Suzie’s room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bedm, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do???”

“Well,” replied the man…
“I guess a spanking is out of the question?”