Q: What kind of wood does not float?

A: Natalie Wood!

Q: Why does Helen Keller have a yellow leg?
A: Her dog is blind also.

Q: Did you know that Helen Keller had a doll house in the backyard?
A: Neither did she.

Q: Why could Helen Keller only masturbate with one hand?
A: She needed the other hand to moan.

Q: What happened when Helen Keller fell down the well?
A: She screamed her hands off!

You’ve seen the Helen Keller doll?
Wind it up, and it walks into a wall.

Ever wonder how Helen Keller could tell the difference between the men’s room and the ladies room?
She feels her way around.

Q: How did Helen Keller burn her ear?
A: Answering the iron.

Q: How did she burn her other ear?
A: They called back.

Q: Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away?
A: You’d run away too if your name was Yeeaawwoaw.
(make strange noise)

Why did Helen wear skin-tight pants?
So her friends could read her lips.

How did Helen Keller break her hand?
Trying to read the stop sign at 50 mph.

HOW DID HELEN KELLER BURN HER FACE?
ANSWER: BOBBING FOR FRENCH FRIES!

How did Helen Keller drive her car?
One hand on the wheel; The other on the road.

How did Helen Keller meet her husband?
On a blind date!

What’s Helen Keller’s idea of oral sex?
A Manicure.

How did Helen Keller pierce her ear?
Answering the stapler.

What was Helen Keller’s favorite color?
Velcro.

Why didn’t Helen Keller scream when she fell down the stairs?
She was wearing gloves.

What was Helen Keller’s speech impediment?
Calluses.

How did Helen Keller’s teachers punish her for talking in class?
They made her wear mittens.

Why didn’t Helen Keller change her baby’s diaper?
So she could always find him.

Why did Helen Keller have yellow fingers?
From whispering sweet-nothings in her boyfriends ear.

How did Helen Keller go crazy?
Trying to read the stucco walls.

How did Helen Keller pick her eyes out?
She shouted hysterically.

Why did Helen Keller stop skydiving?
It was hell on the seeing eye dog!

What goes (“CLICK” is that it? “CLICK” is that it? “CLICK” is that it?)?
Hellen Keller working the rubix cube.

Seen Stevie Wonder’s new video?
He hasn’t either.

Nine months to the day following their wedding, the Coopers had a baby. Unfortunately, it was born without arms or legs — without even a torso. It was just a head. Still, the Coopers loved and cared for their child, spoiling and indulging it.

Finally after twenty years, they took a much-needed vacation and whom should they meet on the cruise ship but a European doctor who had recently achieved a medical breakthrough. ‘I know,’ he said, ‘how to attach arms and legs to your child, how to make him whole.’

The Coopers cut their trip short, rushed home and into the room where the head lay in its crib, and said, ‘Honey… Mom and Dad have the most wonderful surprise for you!’

‘Noooooo!,’ shrieked the head, ‘Not another hat!’

Little Herbie had been blind since birth. One day at bedtime, his mother told him that the next day was a very special one. If he prayed extra hard, he’d be able to see when he woke up in the morning.

The next morning she came into Herbie’s room to make sure he’d prayed hard the night before.

‘Well then, open your eyes and you’ll know that your prayers have been answered.’

Little Herbie opened his eyes, only to cry out, ‘Mother! Mother! I still can’t see!’

‘I know, dear,’ said his mother. ‘April Fool!’

There once was a brother and a sister, fraternal twins, who were approaching their high school graduation. It was getting near prom night and neither of them had a date for it. So one day, the girl approaches her brother and says “Hey, you got a date for the prom yet?”

He says “No, why? You got someone lined up for me?” “You might say that. Why don’t you take me to the prom?”

“Take you? You kidding? You’re my sister!” “Well, are you taking somebody else out?”

“You know I don’t have a date, Sis. ” “And neither do I. But we both want to go to the prom, don’t we?” Her brother nods. She continues, “So we should go with each other.”

The brother can’t see anything wrong with her reasoning, so he tells his sister that if neither of them has a date by Wednesday evening he will take her to the prom. Wednesday evening rolls around. Neither of the siblings has a date, so the brother tells his sister that he’ll take her to the prom on Friday.

At the prom, both of them have a good time. The brother is glad that his sister talked him into taking her. Then, while he’s standing at the punch bowl, his sister comes up to him again.

“Hey, brother, let’s dance. ”

He looks around to make sure that nobody heard her. “Look, Sis, this is the Senior Prom, okay? I’m not going to dance with my own sister at the prom, okay?”

“Don’t be so shy. Look, Jimmy Elder is dancing with his cousin. So why can’t you dance with your sister?”

“Oh . . . all right. ”

So they dance, a slow number. The rest of the prom passes by and after a while it’s over and time to go. Both of them have had a good time.

In the car, with the brother at the wheel, the sister looks over at him and says, “Let’s not go straight home.”

He gives her a curious look and says, “What are we going to do instead?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Just drive around.”

He agrees, and after they have driven around a while, out in the country, she looks over at him again and says “Want to find some place to park?”

“Hell,” he says, “are you crazy? You’re my sister, I’m not going parking with you!”

“Who said anything about ‘going parking’? Let’s just pull over somewhere and talk for a while, okay? It’s been a busy year for both of us– how long has it been since we’ve had a chance to talk to each other?”

So she finally talks her brother into pulling the car over on a secluded back road, and after a few minutes of idle talk, she looks over at him again.

“Hey . . . ” she says.

“What?”

“Why don’t you kiss me?”

“You’ve been suggesting a lot of weird things lately, you know that? I’m not going to kiss you, you’re my sister! “And he reached for the ignition switch to start the car.

She reached out and took his hand. “I know I’m your sister. You’ve mentioned that a lot lately. And you’re my brother. And don’t we love each other? Why shouldn’t we kiss if we feel like it?” She kissed him on the cheek and he kissed her back. After a few minutes of kissing, she whispered in his ear, “Come on. Let’s do it.”

“Do what,” said her brother, but he had a good idea of what his sister had in mind.

“You know what,” his sister replied.

“I can’t do that with you, you’re my. . . ” His voice trailed off.

While he was on top of her, his sister murmured, “You know, you’re a lot lighter than Dad.”

“I know,” said her brother. “Mom told me.”