Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover, “Please do me a favor. It feels like something’s stuck up my ass. Could you check it out for me?” His roommate lubes up his finger (mercifully) and shoves it up Bruce’s ass, feeling all around, and says, “I don’t feel anything.”

Bruce says, “Trust me, there’s something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out.” So his roommate lubes his whole hand and sticks it up Bruce’s ass. He feels around, and then pulls out a Rolex watch.

He says, “I found your problem. There was a watch stuck up your ass.”
Bruce starts singing, “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…”

Q: Why are gay guys never lonely?

A: They have friends up the ass.

Q: What would Princess Di be doing if she were still alive?

A: Scratching like hell to get out of her coffin!

Q: Why do farts smell?

A: So deaf people can enjoy them too.

Why did Elton John wear a nicotine patch on his penis?

Because he was trying to cut down to one fag a day!