Two condoms were walking past a Gay bar. One looks at the other and says… “You wanna go in and get shit faced?”

Have you ever seen an asshole wrapped in plastic?

Just look at your drivers license!

Some good put-downs…ya’ never know when you’ll need one!

I refuse to enter a battle of the wits with you –it’s against my morals to attack an unarmed person.

Are your parents cousins?

Your teeth are so yellow, I can’t believe it’s not butter.

Nice face…what are you going to do when the baboon wants his ass back?

Oh my God, look at you! Anyone else hurt in the accident?

What other problems do you have besides being unemployed, a moron and a dork?

Who picks your clothes – Stevie Wonder?

Q: What’s so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A: You know she’ll swallow.

Q: Why don’t they teach driver’s education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A: They don’t want to wear out the camel.

Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Q: What do you get if you cross a Hell’s Angel with a Jehovah’s Witness?
A: Some one who knocks on your door on a Sunday morning and tells YOU to fuck off!

Q: Do you know why women fake orgasm?
A: Because men fake foreplay.

Q: What’s the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!

Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
A: Dating children.

Q: What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golfball?
A: A guy will actually search for a golfball.

Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A: She knows she’s given her last blow job.

Q: Who is the most popular man at the Nudist Colony?
A: The man who can carry two cups of coffee and 12 donuts.

Q: Who is the most popular woman at the Nudist Colony?
A: The woman who can eat the last two donuts.

Q: What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
A: Cough, gag, choke, etc.

Q: What did One gay sperm say to another?
A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit?

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: It’s cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the lightbulb.

Q. What’s the definition of Trust? A. Two cannibals giving each other a blow job.

Q. How do you find a blonde in long grass? A. Pleasing!

Q. What has seventy-five balls and screws old ladies? A. Bingo!

Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson’s ranch know when it is bedtime? A. When the big hand touches the little hand…

Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
A: When he’s got his head up a fairy’s skirt, then he’s a goblin’.

Q. What’s the definition of a Yankee? A. Same thing as a “quickie”, only you do it yourself.

Q: What’s a Japanese girl’s favorite holiday?
A: Erection day.

Q: How can you tell if a valentine card is from a leper?
A: The tongue’s still in the envelope.

Q: What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After 10 years the job still sucks.

Q: Which of the following doesn’t belong: wife, meat, eggs, blow job?
A: The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can’t beat a blow job.

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your Mom.

Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men’s rest room?
A: Say, “Nice dick.”

Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?
A: An itchy, twitchy twat.

Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don’t work.

Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: If we don’t get some support soon, people are going to think we’re nuts!

Q: Why don’t bunnies make noise when they make love?
A: Because they have cotton balls.

Q: Mom’s have Mother’s Day, Father’s have Father’s Day. What do single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday

Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.