What’s the definition of disgusting?
Your giving your grandmother a kiss and she slips her tongue in.

What’s the definition of weird?
Your having sex with a pregnant woman and something grabs your dick.

What’s the defintion of suspicious?
Two men walk out of the toilet, one’s zipping up his pants and the
other is licking his lips.

There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties.

The Priest calls the girl and gives her $20 and says, “Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties. It’s not proper to walk around without any panties on.”

The girl goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her mother to buy panties for her. When the mother asks where the girl got the money, the girl explained what happened.

Upon hearing how the girl got the money, the mother rushes to her room, whips off her panties, and puts on one of her shortest dresses and runs out to the church.

As soon as the mother sees the priest coming, she begins to walk up the stairs. The priest then notices the lady and calls her down.

The woman not wanting to show that she is expecting anything, walks back to the priest very calmly.

The priest hands the lady $1 and says… “Lady, take this money and for God’s sake, go buy yourself a razor!”

What do you call an open can of tuna in a Lesbians apartment?

Po-pouri!!!

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

———————————
Cheese Sandwich $ 1.50
Chicken Sandwich $ 2.50
Hand Job $10.00
———————————

Checking his wallet he finds one single ten dollar bill.
He walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

“Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile, “can I help you?”

“I was wondering”, whispers the man, “are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”

“Yes”, she purrs, “indeed I am!”

The man replies “Well go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!”

A new list of the “World’s Shortest Books”:

STAYING HAPPILY MARRIED
-by Elizabeth Taylor

BEAUTY SECRETS
-by Janet Reno

HOME BUILT AIRPLANES
-by John Denver

DOWN HILL SKIING
-by Sonny Bono

HOW TO GET TO THE SUPER BOWL
-by Dan Marino

FLYING AT NIGHT
-by JFK, Jr.

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
-by Hillary Clinton

MY LIFE’S MEMORIES
-by Ronald Reagan

THINGS I CAN’T AFFORD-
by Bill Gates

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
-by O. J. Simpson

THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
-by Dennis Rodman

THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH
-by the Ramseys

AMELIA EARHART’S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN
AMERICA’S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
DETROIT – A TRAVEL GUIDE
DR. KEVORKIAN’S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
MIKE TYSON’S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
HELLEN KELLER’S BIRDWATCHING GUIDE