An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy.
They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.

They searched for days and couldn’t find her. So the captain sent the old man home with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the ship.
It read: “Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife had died in the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck, and found an oyster attached to her butt. Inside it was a pearl worth $50,000.
Please advise?”

The old man faxed back: Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap!

There was a cargo shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa.
It suddenly had a malfunction, and crashed in the jungle.

A few days later, Pepsi sent a rescue plane to search for the plane and crew.
They found the wreckage, but were not able to locate the crew.
They searched the area and met with a tribe of cannibals.

They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.
The Chief nods and simply says, “Yes…seen plane crash”.
When asked where the crew was, the Cheif replyed, “We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi!”

The Rescue crew was shocked. Another man asked, “Did you eat their legs?”
The chief replied, “We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi!”

Another rescuer asked, “Did you eat their arms?”
The Chief said, “We ate their arms, and we drank the Peps!”

Finally, another rescuer had to ask, “Did you..you know…eat their…things?”
The cheif says, “NO, you idoit!”… even cannibals know that…
“THINGS go better with Coke!”

Q&A’s about Salami Bin Coward & the Talibuttheads:

Q: Why does Salami Bin Coward carry a Turd in his pocket?
A: It’s his photo ID.

Q: What do Salami Bin Coward and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing – “yet”.

Q: How do you play Talibutthead bingo?
A: B-52…F-16…B-1…

Q: What is the Talibuttheads national bird?
A: Duck.

Q: How is Salami Bin Coward like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

Q: What does Salami Bin Coward and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!

Q: What’s the difference between the Talibuttheads and a bucket of crap?
A: The bucket.

Q: What’s the five day forecast for Afghanistan?
A: Two days.

Q: Why don’t Salami Bin Coward’s people eat turd sandwiches?
A: They hate bread.

Q: Why don’t the Talibuttheads have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same day?
A: The camels can’t handle it

The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.

“We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Jones, but we have some information about your wife.”

“Well, tell me!” the man said.

The policeman said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news.
Which do you want to hear first?”

Fearing the worse, Mr. Jones said, “Give me the bad news first.”

So the policeman said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in the San Francisco Bay.”

“Oh my god!” said Mr. Jones, overcome by emotion.
Remembering what the cop had said, he asked, “So what’s the good news?”

“Well,” said the cop, “when we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her.”

“If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news!?!” he asked.

And the cop replied…
“We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow morning!”

A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners.

When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were
the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.

“Were these dishes ever washed?” he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.

She replied, “Of course they were cleaned Father.”
“They’re as clean as soap and water could get them.”

He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and they all started eating. The meal was delicious and he paid his compliments in spite the dirty dishes.

When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yells -
“Here Soap! Here Water!”