Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees – always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.

Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn’t making enough money to warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off.

So, he sat in his office and watched them work. Suddenly, Sarah gets a terrible headache and needs to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out of her purse and goes to the water cooler to get something to wash it down with. Mr. Smith follows her to the water cooler, taps her on the shoulder and says, “Sarah, I’m going to have to lay you or Jack off.”

And Sarah says, “Can you just jack off? I have a headache!”

Q: What’s the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy?
A: When you’re eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you!

Q: Why was Raggedy Anne kicked out of the toypen?

A: Because she kept sitting on Pinnochio’s face saying, “Lie to me, lie to me!”

Her Majesty the Queen was being shown around a hospital. As she was
being given the guided tour by a senior consultant, they passed a room
where a man was masturbating wildly through the window. Of course the
Queen was not at all amused and demanded an explanation as to why these activities were allowed in the hospital.

“Ah,” said the doctor, “Now, although it is perhaps unfortunate that
you should have witnessed that, in fact, that poor patient is suffering from a very debilitating condition. He produces so much semen that unless he gets rid of it 4 times a day his testicles will explode.”

“Oh.” said Her Majesty. “Well, in that case I suppose it’s understandable.”

Further down the corridor they passed another room. The door was open
and you could see a nurse was clearly giving a patient oral sex.

“Goodness Gracious!” shrieked Her Majesty, “I demand an explanation of
this kind of sordid goings- on!”

“Ah,” said the Doctor, “same problem – better health plan.”

This guy woke up one morning and saw his girlfriend with coat on and her bags packed. He said “What are you doing?”

She said “I’m leaving you because I heard you were a pedofile.”

And the guy responded “Pedofile! That’s a pretty big word coming from a twelve year old”!