A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, “This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill”. The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing. “What’s so funny?” asks the clerk.

“I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house”, the man replies.

The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, “Here are two bullets, I’ll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife’s head off and shoot the guy’s dick off.”

The man takes another look through the scope and says,
“You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!”

Safe Sex Saves Souls So Screw Someone Special Soon

Q. What does a sign on a whorehouse say in the middle of the day?
A. Beat it – we’re closed.

What do you call a closet full of lesbians?

A liquor cabinet.

World’s Worst Pick-up Lines…

I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Wal-Mart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

Just call me milk, I’ll do your body good.

Your body’s name must be visa, because it’s everywhere I want to be.

Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money? I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.

I may not be the best looking guy here, but I’m the only one talking to you.

My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going.

Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I’ll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I’ll do it your way right away.

I’d like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.

If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be McGorgeous.

Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants.

Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I’ll slam you all night long.

Excuse me, do you have your phone number? I’ve seem to have lost mine.

I’m new in town, could I have directions to your house.

If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the Holidays?

I love every bone in your body – especially mine.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

Hi, I’m a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?

I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into that cheap motel room.

The fact that I’m missing my teeth just means that there’s more room for your tongue.

Guy: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?” Girl: “Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.”