There once was a man named Dave, who found a dead whore in a cave. She was ugly as shit and missing one tit, but think of the money he saved!

The Madam opens the brothel door to see an elderly man standing in the
doorway. His clothes are all dishevelled and he looks…well, “needy”.
“Can I help you?” the Madam asks. “I want Natalie”, the old man replies. “Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps someone else…?”
“No. I want Natalie.”

Just then, Natalie appears and tells the old man that she charges $ 1,000 per hour. Without so much as a blink he reaches into his pocket and pulls out ten crisp new $ 100 bills. The two go up to her room for an hour, whereupon he calmly leaves.

The next night the old man appears again demanding Natalie. Natalie
explains that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, that there are no discounts and that the rate is still $ 1,000 for one hour. But once again, he takes out the money. The two go up to the room and he calmly leaves an hour later.

When he shows up for the third consecutive night, no one can believe it. Again he hands Natalie the money and up to the room, they go. At the end of the hour, Natalie decides to question the old man. “I’m not used to having the same customer come back three nights in a row. Do you mind if I ask where you’re from?”

“I am from Minsk.”
“Really”, replies Natalie “I have a sister who lives there.”
“I know”, says the old man. “She gave me $ 3,000 to give to you.”

What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins.

“How am I doing?” He asks.
“Three knots,” she replies.
“Three knots? What’s that mean?”

“You’re not hard, you’re not in, and you’re not getting your money back.”

One night, a cabby picked up a nun. While he was driving, the cabby suddenly started to laugh insanely.

“Why are you laughing?” Asked the nun.
“Oh, It’s nothing.” said the cabby.
“No, really.” said the nun “I won’t mind.”

So the Cabby told her:
“Well, It’s really silly but I’ve always had this fantasy of having a blow job done by a nun.”

“Well then, whats your name?” The nun asked
“Robert”
“Are you married?”
“No.”
“Are you christian?”
“Yes.”
“Then Pull into the next alley.”

The cabby was stunned. but he didn’t want to give up this chance so he pulled into the next alley. When they were finished, they returned to the cab.

While driving, the cabby started to cry.
“Why are you crying?” asked the nun
“I’m sorry, I’ve lied.”
“How so?”
“Well, My name is David, I have a wife and three children, and I’m Jewish.”

“Well, I’ve done a bit of lying too…” smiled the nun “My name is George and I’m going to a costume party.”