Two economists are walking down the street. One sees a dollar lying on the sidewalk, and says so.

“Obviously not,” says the other. “If there were, someone would have picked it up!”

Bill and Boris are taking a break from a long summit, Boris says to Bill, -Bill, you know, I have a big problem I don’t know what to do about. I have a hundred bodyguards and one of them is a traitor. I don’t know which one. -Not a big deal Boris, I’m stuck with a hundred economists I have to listen to all the time before any policy decision, and only one tells the truth but it’s never the same one.

I know that economics is ruling my life when – I tried to calculate my 3 year old son’s discount rate by seeing how many sweets he would require to be promised to him after dinner to be equivalent to one sweet before dinner – I spent one hour in a toy shop making up over 20 bundles of toys that could be purchased for $25 and then asked my son to select one of these bundles

We have 2 classes of forecasters: Those who don’t know . . . and those who don’t know they don’t know.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

Q: Why did God create economists?
A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.

An Economist is someone who didn’t have enough personality to become an accountant.

The First Law of Economists: For every economist, there exists an equal and opposite economist.

The Second Law of Economists: They’re both wrong.

Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.

Q: How many mainstream economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to change the bulb and one to assume the existence of ladders.

Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
A2: None. If it really needed changing, market forces would have caused it to happen.
A3: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

Q: How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I’m writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about 5 years.

An economist is someone who doesn’t know what he’s talking about – and make you feel it’s your fault.

The definition of “waste”: a busload of economists plunging over a precipice with three of the seats unoccupied.

A woman hears from her doctor that she has only half a year to live. The doctor advises her to marry an economist and to live in South Dakota. The woman asks: will this cure my illness? Answer of the doctor: No, but the half year will seem pretty long.

An economist is someone who gets rich explaining others why they are poor.

“I’m thinking of leaving my husband,” complained the economist’s wife.

“All he ever does is stand at the end of the bed and tell me how good things are going to be.”

Tariff — A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.

Economy — Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.

“I’m a walking economy,” a man was overheard to say.
“My hairline’s in recession, my waist is a victim of inflation, and together they’re putting me in a deep depression.”

Q: Why is advice so cheap?
A: Because supply always exceeds demand.