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USA Jokes


United States of America = Satane Dictatore, Fuse Mei! A latin sentence which means: Satan dictator, fuse with me!, is an experiment by God to develop a prototype for his next planetary creation (the planet Venus was no good, alas). The budget was considerably lower than the first one, allowing for only 3 days to create it, so was likely to contain a mass of things God had already created. The prototype will, in theory, provide an insight into what happens when a naked land is populated by other nationalities and was easily and rapidly filled by hopeful degenerates whos own country was sickened by them.

Of course, the prototype has back-fired for God and so his other-worldly project has since been abandoned. The experiment did proved useful for the World Health Organisation, who now at least have something to back up claims that we should all eat healthily and exercise more.

It is the stupidest off-shore island of Finland and is in a constant state of war with Der Aztek Grobssdeutchesreich. The United States of America is known as the largest and most influential Hypocracy in the world or “The Leader of the Opressing world”.

The USA (pronounced “Ooh-Sa”) is bent on freeing the rest of the world by introducing “Democracy” (by force) so that their people can make free decisions (selling the USA all their oil for a mediocre price) and live in ‘free doom’ or just plain civil war(reference:Iraq).

Due to intense infighting between the Democrats and Republicans, the country is currently run by a democratically-elected unity government called Bechtel. As every perfect democracy, every presidential election is frauded by a very complex voting system. Specially when the winner actually can’t be president.

Hunting camels is prohibited.

Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony.

There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.

Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs. Read More…

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Posted in: Arizona Jokes, State Jokes, State Laws, USA Jokes, Us States Jokes 1 Comment.

“Because it’s a long, horrifying process to run for the nomination, candidates often like to have fun on the campaign trail. And a couple of days ago — this is great — Hillary Clinton, while she was flying on her campaign airplane, pretended to be a flight attendant. But that’s not all. She was so convincing that Bill actually hit on her.” –Jay Leno

“Congratulations to Hillary Clinton. The big winner up there in New Hampshire. Congratulations to her, did a a nice job. Yeah, despite all the predictions by the pundits, Hillary Clinton refused to roll over. How many times has Bill heard that?” –Jay Leno
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Posted in: Barack Obama Jokes, Elections 2008, Hillary Clinton Jokes, USA Jokes No Comments.

“Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence … and then he had to leave to attend a fundraiser.” –Jay Leno
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Posted in: Barack Obama Jokes, Elections 2008, Political Jokes, USA Jokes 6 Comments.

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

”Emma come first. I come. Dennis come and Dennis come again. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.”

”You foul-mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. ”In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public.”

”Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. ”Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.”

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Posted in: Dumb People Jokes, Italy Jokes, USA Jokes No Comments.

Alabama: At Least We’re not Mississippi -&- Yes, We Have Electricity

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t be Wrong! -&- We Also Take American Money

Arizona: But It’s a Dry Heat

Arkansas: Litterasy Ain’t Everything

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Posted in: Funny Lists, USA Jokes No Comments.