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USA Jokes


United States of America = Satane Dictatore, Fuse Mei! A latin sentence which means: Satan dictator, fuse with me!, is an experiment by God to develop a prototype for his next planetary creation (the planet Venus was no good, alas). The budget was considerably lower than the first one, allowing for only 3 days to create it, so was likely to contain a mass of things God had already created. The prototype will, in theory, provide an insight into what happens when a naked land is populated by other nationalities and was easily and rapidly filled by hopeful degenerates whos own country was sickened by them.

Of course, the prototype has back-fired for God and so his other-worldly project has since been abandoned. The experiment did proved useful for the World Health Organisation, who now at least have something to back up claims that we should all eat healthily and exercise more.

It is the stupidest off-shore island of Finland and is in a constant state of war with Der Aztek Grobssdeutchesreich. The United States of America is known as the largest and most influential Hypocracy in the world or “The Leader of the Opressing world”.

The USA (pronounced “Ooh-Sa”) is bent on freeing the rest of the world by introducing “Democracy” (by force) so that their people can make free decisions (selling the USA all their oil for a mediocre price) and live in ‘free doom’ or just plain civil war(reference:Iraq).

Due to intense infighting between the Democrats and Republicans, the country is currently run by a democratically-elected unity government called Bechtel. As every perfect democracy, every presidential election is frauded by a very complex voting system. Specially when the winner actually can’t be president.

Little Bruno was sitting in his grandmother’s kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.

“What are you doing?” Bruno asked.

“Oh, I’m just stuffing the turkey,” his grandmother replied.

“That’s cool!” Bruno said. “Are you going to hang it next to the deer?”

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It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.

“Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!” said the daughter.

“Did it not taste good?” her mother asked.

“I don’t know,” the blonde said. “It wouldn’t sit still!”

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A young boy after hearing the story of Thanksgiving and how the Indians and the Pilgrims sat down together,climbed up into his father’s lap and said, “Daddy, did you know that if we were Indians, you would be a brave and Mom would be a squawk?”

“That is the best description of your mother I have ever heard,” replied his daddy as he ducked.

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Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Norma Lee.
Norma Lee who?
Norma Lee I don’t eat this much!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Gladys.
Gladys who?
Gladys Thanksgiving! Aren’t you?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive the stuffing too!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Aida.
Aida who?
Aida lot more than I should have!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Dewey.
Dewey who?
Dewey have to wait long to eat?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Diana.
Diana who?
Diana thirst too!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
General Lee.
General Lee who?
General Lee I don’t either!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Sid.
Sid who?
Sid down. It’s time to eat!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke at all the food!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Anita.
Anita who?
Anita nother napkin.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Aaron.
Aaron who?
Arron you having more cranberry sauce?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Don.
Don who?
Don eat all the stuffing, I want some more!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any more sweet potatoes?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Wilma.
Wilma who?
Wil Ma make lots of food again this Thanksgiving?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up! I’m starved!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Abbott.
Abbott who?
Abbott time to eat isn’t it?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Odette.
Odette who?
Odette’s a big turkey!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Phillip.
Phillip who?
Phillip a big plate and dig in!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Phyllis.
Phyllis who?
Phyllis plate up too!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Emma.
Emma who?
Emma real pig when it comes to eating Turkey!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Esther.
Esther who?
Esther any more gravy?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Alma.
Alma who?
Alma dinner’s gone. May I have dessert?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Wanda.
Wanda who?
Wanda piece of pumpkin pie?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Alva.
Alva who?
Alva nother piece please!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Xavier.
Xavier who?
Xavier fork for dessert.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara we’ll have turkey leftovers!

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An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with
breeding to perfect a better turkey.

His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there
were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating
attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts
to his friends at the general store get together. “Well I
finally did it! I bred
a turkey that has 6 legs!”

They all asked the farmer how it tasted.

“I Don’t know” said the farmer. “I never could catch the
darn thing!”

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