Einstein dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter says, “You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths some people will go to, to sneak in. Can you prove who you really are?” Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?”

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really are Einstein! Welcome to Heaven!”

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso asks, “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?” Saint Peter says, “Go ahead.” Picasso erases Einstein’s equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!”

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, “Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?” George W looks bewildered and says, “Who are Einstein and Picasso?” Saint Peter sighs, “Come on in, George.”

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he’d been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush.”

The Marine replied, “Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer President and doesn’t reside here.” The old man said, “Okay,” and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush”.

The Marine again told the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer President and doesn’t reside here.” The man thanked him and again walked away . . .

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying “I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush.”

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I’ve told you already several times that Mr. Bush is not the President anymore and doesn’t reside here. Don’t you understand?”

The old man answered, “Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!” The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “See you tomorrow”

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how she knows if they’re intelligent.

“I do so by asking them the right questions,” says the Queen. “Allow me to demonstrate.”

Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, “Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?”

Tony Blair responds, “It’s me, ma’am.”

“Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir,” says the Queen. She hangs up and says, “Did you get that, Mr. Bush?”

Bush nods: “Yes ma’am. Thanks a lot. I’ll definitely be using that!”

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he’d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, “Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me.”

“Why, of course, sir. What’s on your mind?”

Bush poses the question: “Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, “Can I think about it and get back to you?”

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

“Now look here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

Powell answers immediately, “It’s me, of course.”

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, “I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It’s Colin Powell!”

And Bush replies in disgust, “Wrong, you dumb shit, it’s Tony Blair!”

President George W. Bush was going to a Home Depot. He was surrounded by his bodyguards, and everyone immediately took notice of the unusual sight. They looked closer and they saw who it was.

Everyone was in awe. “Why would George W. bush be in a Home Depot?” they all asked each other. “He should have his workers do it for him”. Finally, one man asked the President, “What are you doing in this little store of ours?”

To which George replied, “Oh, everyone has been saying that I should get a new cabinet”.

George Bush and Dick Cheney are talking, when Bush suddenly complains “I hate all the dumb George Bush jokes people tell about me.”

Cheney, feeling sorry for his “boss,” says “Oh, they’re only jokes. There are a lot of truly stupid people out there. Here, I’ll prove it to you.”

Cheney takes Bush outside and hails a cab.

“Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I’m home,” says Cheney. The cab driver, without saying a word, drives them to 29 Nickel Street.

Cheney looks at Bush and says, “See! This guy is really stupid.”

George Bush agrees. “He really is a dummy. There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead.”