Britney spears was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, Britney shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes!” The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!” Determined, Britney turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots Britney spears standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then Britney spears flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, “Damn it, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”

Bored by their wild partying lifestyle Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan have turned into nuns.

One day Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan were in back of the convent smoking cigarettes, when one said,”It’s bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke,but it really is a problem getting rid of the cigarette butts so Mother Superior doesn’t find them.”

Paris said, “I’ve found a marvelous invention called the condom, which really solves this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later!”

Lindsay Lohan was quite impressed and asked where she could find them.

“You get them at the drug store, sister, just go and ask the pharmacist for them.” The next day Lindsay Lohan went to the drug store and walked up to the counter. “Good morning, sister,” said the pharmacist.

“What can I do for you today?”

“I’d like some condoms, please,” said Lindsay Lohan. The pharmacist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked,

“How many boxes would you like? There are twelve to a box.”

“I’ll take six boxes – that should last about a week,” she replied.

The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time, and was almost afraid to ask any more questions,

but his professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice, “Sister, what size condoms would you like – we have large, extra large, and big liar size.”

Lindsay Lohan thought for a minute, and finally said, “I’m not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a Camel.”

She wanted the drapes to match the carpet.

Britney Tears