As a passenger jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.
“Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep.”
From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, “Wow! It just missed the highway!”
The weary holiday traveler looked in disbelief at a bunch of mistletoe hanging above the luggage scale at the baggage check-in center… Turning to the attendant he asked, “Ok, I give up. Why is the mistletoe there above the luggage scale?” The attendant responded, “So you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”
An airline pilot hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a “Thanks for flying ABC airline.” He had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, “Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?” “Why no, Ma’am,” said the pilot, “what is it?” The little old lady said, “Did we land or were we shot down?”
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 123, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax – OH MY GOD!”
Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back
on the intercom and said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if
I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”
A passenger in Coach said, “That’s nothing. He should see the
back of mine!”
Cessna pilot: “Tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.
Tower: “Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!
Do you have the airfield in sight?”
Cessna: “Uh…tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is.”
