“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane…”

“We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane.

“Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately.” Read More…

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.
The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs
have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big airplanes have baby airplanes?”

The mother (who couldn’t think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant.

So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant. The flight attendant, who was
very busy at the time, smiled and said, “Did your Mom tell you to ask me?”

The boy said, “Yes she did.”

“Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest
always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you.”

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new airliners. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the pilot’s backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions. NASA responded with a one-line memo: “Thaw the chicken.”

It was a typically busy, crowded, chaotic Friday before a holiday at the Atlanta International Airport. Travelers, friends, relatives, airport personnel, pilots, flight attendants, the handicapped and infirm being transported through the throngs of shoulder to shoulder people.

At one of the packed, ticket counters all of the ticket agents were doing their best to politely process each passenger Read More…

A couple of drinking buddies, who are airline mechanics are in a hanger at the San Francisco airport. The runway is fogged in and they have nothing to do. One of them says to the other, “Man, have you got anything to drink?” The second guy says, “Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel, that it will kinda give you a buzz.”

So they do drink it, get smashed and have a beautiful time…as only drinking buddies can do. The following morning, one of them wakes up figuring that his head will explode if he gets up. Nevertheless, he gets up and is surprised to find that he feels good; in fact, he feels great ….no hangover! The phone rings. It’s his buddy asking him how he feels. “I feel great!” he says. His buddy agrees, saying, “I feel great too! You don’t have a hangover either?” “No,” he replies. “That jet fuel is great stuff…no hangover. We ought to do this more often.” “Yeah, we could, but there’s just one thing.” “What’s that?” “Did you fart yet?” “No.” “Well…don’t, cause I’m in Phoenix!”