There was this old guy wandering around in a supermarket calling out at intervals -
“Crisco? Crisco? CRIS–CO!!!!”

Finally a store clerk approached.
“Sir, the Crisco is on aisle five.”
“Oh,” replied the old guy, “I’m not looking for Crisco, I’m calling my wife.”

“Your wife is named “Crisco?”
“Nah,” he answered, “I only call her that when we come to the supermarket.”

“Oh? What do you call her when you are not in the supermarket?”
“Lard Ass!”