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Collisions, calamities, and injuries.





  • Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.
  • I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
  • I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
  • I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
  • As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
  • In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
  • I saw two kangaroos having it off in the middle of the road. So I hit them, which caused me to ejaculate through the sunroof.
  • I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
  • The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.
  • I pulled in to the side of the road because there was smoke coming from under the hood. I realized there was a fire in the engine, so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.
  • The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were – Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.
    Who is to Blame?

  • No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert.
  • I didn’t think the speed limit applied after midnight.
  • I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
  • The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
  • I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control.
  • I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
  • On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke.
  • The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.
  • Windshield broke. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo.
  • No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap until after it happened.
  • I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.
  • The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal.
  • I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
  • I left for work this morning at 7am as usual when I collided straight into a bus. The bus was 5 miniutes early.
  • An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
  • I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.
  • The accident happened because I had one eye on the truck in front, one eye on the pedestrian, and the other on the car behind.
  • I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard.
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