The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over Ebonics, has decided to designate Southern slang, or “Hickphonics,” as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:HEIDI — noun. Greeting.

HIRE YEW – Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.

Usage: “Heidi. Hire yew.”

BARD — verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.”

Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.”

JAWJUH — noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta.

Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck.”

MUNTS — noun. A calendar division.

Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain’t herd from him in munts.”

IGNERT — adjective. Not smart. See “Arkansas native.”

Usage: “Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!”

RANCH — noun. A tool used for tight’nin’ bolts.

Usage: “I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.”

ALL — noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.

Usage: “I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.”

FAR — noun. A conflagration.

Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh don’t change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far.”

BAHS — noun. A supervisor.

Usage: “If you don’t stop reading these Southern words and git back to work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!”

TAR — noun. A rubber wheel.

Usage: “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don’t git a flat tar in my pickup truck.”

TIRE — noun. A tall monument.

Usage: “Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime.”

RETARD — Verb. To stop working.

Usage: “My grampaw retard at age 65.”

TARRED — adverb. Exhausted.

Usage: “I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred.”

FAT — noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat.

ARE — pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.

RATS — noun. Entitled power or privilege.

Usage: “We Southerners are willin’ to fat for are rats.”

FARN — adjective. Not local.

Usage: “I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed… must be from some farn country.”

DID — adjective. Not alive.

Usage: “He’s did, Jim.”

EAR — noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).

Usage: “He cain’t breath … give ‘im some ear!”

BOB WAR — noun. A sharp, twisted cable.

Usage: “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.”

JEW HERE — Noun and verb contraction.

Usage: “Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump’ny?”

HAZE — a contraction.

Usage: “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah… haze ignert.”

SEED — verb, past tense.

VIEW — contraction: verb and pronoun.

Usage: “I ain’t never seed New York City… view?”