NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,current medical report from your doctor and personal reccomendation from your clergy.
NAME______________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT_______ WEIGHT________ IQ______ GPA_________
SOCIAL SECURITY #___________ DRIVERS LICENSE #__________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS____________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married ______________________
If less than your age, explain
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring,
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? __Yes __No
(IF YOU ANSWERED ‘YES’ TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does ‘LATE’ mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does ‘DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER’ mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does ‘ABSTINENCE’ mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend
___________________________________________________
How often you attend
________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _____________
mother? _____________
pastor? _____________
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
____________________________________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
____________________________________________________
C: A woman’s place is in the:
____________________________________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
____________________________________________________
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
____________________________________________________
G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_________________________________________________________
Applicant’s Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
_____________________ Â Â Â _____________________
Mother’s Signature          Father’s Signature
____________________ Â Â Â _____________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi          State Representative/Congressman
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)
NOTE: Do NOT apply if you haven’t read the rules here.
Posted in: How To, Men Jokes
November 19th, 2008 at 3:19 pm #kwong
His daughter will become one of the following:
lesbian
Fat ugly goth girl
b-fuggly know it all
November 20th, 2008 at 12:45 pm #Triel
His daughter will end up squatting on cucumbers in her parents basement until she’s 40 and all dried up.
November 30th, 2008 at 5:10 pm #LibbyPosey
…and you two idiots are the exact kind of boys my daughter will not be dating…
You do know you responded to a joke don’t cha?
December 6th, 2008 at 1:01 am #Michael
What are the answers that you would look for? Basically, if you gave this to a potential boyfriend for your daughter, what answers would you like to see most? Serious, or funny?
March 11th, 2009 at 9:20 am #james
I cant believe there is only one line for Boy Scout Badges.
March 15th, 2009 at 9:56 pm #Hamilton
Women who lose their virginity after age 20 are at a higher risk for cancer, mental disease, and settling for the first ass-hole that walks into their lives… Funny list though! Reminded me of a couple fathers who’s daughters I dated in high school. Trying to explain “Atheist” and “Not allowed to be a boyscout, too liberal” was like trying to explain orange to a blind person, but then the blind person flies into a rage and tells you that Orange is the work of the devil and you should be killed for thinking it.
March 30th, 2009 at 4:12 am #sarah jane
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Awesome!!!
April 21st, 2009 at 1:08 am #Dany
I‘ll be very happy to have such a cautious father because I don‘t have to worry about anything. I feel much secure than insurance companies because, for sure, the boy will face death sentence if he is lying about his application, and if he has done me wrong.
May 1st, 2009 at 11:12 pm #A model posed with my bike. - Kawasaki Motorcycle Forums
[...] mine. Also, you might want to make copies of this one so the boys can fill it out ahead of time. Application for Permission to Date My Daughter | Encyclopedia of Humor Good Luck __________________ 2006 VN900 Classic "Sometimes I think it’s a sin when it [...]
June 19th, 2009 at 10:03 am #panda man
wow that reminds me of my gf`s father
July 1st, 2009 at 2:02 am #Top 125 Highest Rated Funny Posts on Smilespedia « Smilespedia – The Encyclopedia of Humour
[...] Application for Permission to Date My Daughter (5 out of 5) [...]
August 13th, 2009 at 10:42 am #Glenn
This reminds me of a situation I felt 40 years ago.I was crazy in love with a girl but so afraid of her father(A police officer)I would never ask her out.Here it 40 years later,I am 62 years old and I have found her again.I am still in love with her and still afraid of her father.Now he is the County Sheriff.
August 17th, 2009 at 9:34 pm #Shiv
Hilarious, very well though out, though I must say the part about whether he has a mother and a father seemed a bit bigoted, but unlike other people, I understand it is meant to be humorous.
August 23rd, 2009 at 12:53 pm #i have filled the form. please reply little earlier than u had done with other guys.
i have filled the form. please reply little earlier than u had done with other guys
October 30th, 2009 at 9:06 am #A Dad
Sounds like you really screwed up. I can’t believe you are taking such a risk. I don’t let my daughter out of the basement, she doesn’t know there are boys and no boys know she exists to even consider taking her out (of the basement).
I also can’t believe some people can’t take a joke. Incredible given its posted at a joke web site. Wow. Maybe I’ll just stay in the basement!
December 6th, 2009 at 1:14 am #Greig
This is the most I have laughed out loud in a long time! I’m adding this to my bookmarks and sending it to everyone I know.
Greig
January 8th, 2010 at 7:00 am #Peter
Brilliant, I have 2 daughters aged 5 years and 19 months so will be taking a copy for future use,,,,,,,,,,,
January 13th, 2010 at 5:26 pm #Alyssa
lol……”A Dad” your post was hilarious…………….., though I would hate to be the daughter of THAT dad……..
January 25th, 2010 at 1:33 am #edward ganloy
wow….. extremely fascinating…. if i were a daughter id rather find another father who is free-regulated one…. hmmmep i can’t take it all alone and forever be under secured of my father….. plllllzzzzzzzzz i wanna be liberal minded.. huhuhuhu
January 27th, 2010 at 2:20 am #Mary
Hmm, you know, this sounds like something my father would have tried to give any of my dates when I was in HS… probably why he never met anyone I was seeing.
February 14th, 2010 at 10:18 pm #PFC Vowles
Dear god that is funny, i got that list of rules by my girlfrends father…. at the end of the list he looked at me and a large smile on my face and asked if i had anything to say for my self. i replied with ” no sir i dont but being as how i am a soldier and and i know you have never been in the military im not to worred about that.” HE dropped his jaw and then realized i was standing there in my ACUs(army combat uniform) his tone changed and he put his hand out to shake my hand.
March 24th, 2010 at 2:19 pm #Cosette
Uh, good post I guess. Not sure I agree with you 100% but I guess without different views the world would be a pretty boring place ;\
April 6th, 2010 at 8:35 am #Emy
You forgot the Senator’s signature box!!!!
What a fail.
My friend’s dad has one of these, and the senator’s signature box is on there. It’s pretty epic.
April 9th, 2010 at 11:41 pm #Aussie
So funny
Just loved this and the original article, Thanks!
April 21st, 2010 at 10:29 pm #a fearful daughter
im going to be a freshman next year and my parents got a copy of this… they ARE going to use it… to make it all better my older very over-protective brother is a sharpshooter and has many guns…