AA (American Airlines):
1. Always Awful
2. Abort! Abort!

AI (Air India):
Allah Informed

Alitalia:
1. Always Late In Takeoff/ Transit; Always Late In Arrival
2. Air Line In Tokyo And Luggage In Amsterdam
3. Airplane Landed In Tokyo And Luggage In Atlanta
4. A Little Italian Tit And Lotsa Italitan Ass
5. A Little Italian Tradition And Lotsa Italian Attitude

American:
1. A Miracle Each Rider Is Currently Alive Now
2. Airline Meals Eaten Regularly Induces Cramps And Nausea

AUA: Almost Unknown Airline

AWA: Always Wasting Assets

BA:
1. Bloody Awful
2. British Apoplectic

BEA: Better Eat Afterwards

BOAC (British Overseas Airways Corp.):
1. Better- Off On A Camel
2. Bloody, Old And Careless
3. Better On A Camel
4. Blast Off And Crash

Boeing: Broken Off Engines In Numerous Gardens

BWIA:
1. Baggage Wandering In Africa
2. Better Walk If you’re Able
3. Born to Wait In Airports
4. But Will I Arrive?

CA (China Airlines): Choose Another

CAAC (Chinese Avation Airline Company):
1. Chinese Airlines Always Cancel
2. China Airlines Always Crashes

CAI (Canadian Aitlines International):
1. Crash And Ignite
2. Call Ambulance Immediately
3. Circle Airport Indefinitely
4. Cruise Above Iceland
5. Cancel Alaskan Itinerary
6. Call Attendants ” Idiots”
7. Check All Items
8. Co-pilots Are Imbeciles
9. Casual Atmosphere Inside

CPA (Canadian Airlines International): Can’t Promise Anything

Dan Air: Dangerous And Nearly Always Incredibly Rough

DELTA:
1. Doesn’t Even/ Ever Leave The Airport
2. Don’t Even Let Them Aboard
3. Departing Even Later Than Anticipated
4. Damaged Engines Limit Take-off Ability
5. Departures Extra- Late, Tardy Arrivals
6. Directed Everybody’s Luggage To Atlanta
7. Doesn’t Ever Let Terrorists Aboard
8. Doesn’t Experiences Like This Andrenalize?
9. Drunken Engineers Land Too Abruptly

EAA: Even Apes Aviate

EAL (Eastern): Eastern’s Always Late

El Al:
1. Egyptian Louting Arab Loathing
2. Every Landing Always Late/ Lousy
3. Everyones Luggage Always Lost

Finnair: Flies Ideally? Nah, Not Airbourne In Reality

JAL: Journey Always Late

JAT (Yugoslav Airlines): Joke About Time

LOT (Polish Airlines):
1. Last One There
2. Luggage On Tarmack (wave bye bye!)
3. Lots Of Trouble

Liat:
1. Luggage Is Always Tardy
2. Lost Inbetween Antigua and Trinidad
3. Leave Island Any Time

LUFTHANSA:
1. Let Us Fuck The Horses, Are No Stewardesses Available?
2. Let Us Fiddle The Hostess And Not Say Anything
3. Let Us Fuck The Hostess And Never See Again

Northwest: Nobody Out Ranks This Horrid, Worthless,
Excruciatingly Sluggish Transport

Olympic: Onassis Likes Your Money Paid In Cash

PA (Philippine Airways): Please Avoid
PAL (Philippine Airlines): Philippines/ Plane Always Late

PAN AM:
1. Plan On Arriving Nervewracked And Mad
2. Passengers Always Need A Mortician
3. Pilots Are Not A Must
4. Poor Airline Needs Any Money

PIA (Pakistan International Airlines):
1. Please Inform Allah
2. Panic In Air
3. Perhaps I Arrive
4. Passenger’s Illegal Abductor

PSA: Paul’s Saturday Airline

PWA:
1. Pete’s Wobbly Airline
2. Piddly Widdly Airline
3. Please Wait Awhile

Qantas:
1. Queer And Nasty Types As Stewards
2. Queasy And Nauseous, Tired And Sick
3. Queers And Nymphomaniacs Trained As Stewards
4. Quick And Nasty Transportation, Australian Style
5. Quite A Neat Trick, Arriving Safely
6. Quite A Nice Trip, Any Survivors?
7. Quits Air-travel, Next Time Approaches Ship

Sabena (Belgium): Such A Bad/ Bloody Experience, Never Again

SAHSA (Servicio Aero Honduras SA): Stay At Home, Stay Alive

SAS (Scandinavian Airline System):
1. Sweet And Sexy
2. Sex And Service
3. Service After Sex
4. Sex And Satisfaction
5. Such A S***

SIA (Singapore International Airlines):
1. So Incredible, Aah
2. Sex In the Air
3. Singapore Imitates America

TACA: 1. Take- A- Chance Airline
2. Take Another Carrier Always
3. Take A Coffin Along
4. Tome Alcohol Cuanda Aborda

TAP (Portuguese Airlines):
1. Take Another Plane
2. Take A Parachute

Thy: They Hate You

TWA (Transworld Airlines):
1. Travel Without Arrival
2. Try Walking, Asshole
3. Try Walking Again/ Across
4. The Worst Airline
5. Took Wrong Airline
6. Try Walking Across (transatlantic perspective)
7. Travel With Arabs
8. Terrorist Welcome Aboard
9. Terrorists With Arms
10. Teenie Weenie Airlines
11. Traveling Without Air
12. Tiny Wings Aflappin’!!!
13. That Was Accidental
14. That Was Awful
15. Try With Another
16. Today’s Worst Airline
17. Tomorrow We’ll Arrive
18. Tomorrow’s Widebody Accident
19. Totally Wasted Airlines

United:
1. U Need Insurance That Exempts Death
2. Usually Not Enclined To Eliminate Disasters

USAir (formerly Allegheny Airlines):
1. Unfortunately, Still Alleghany In Reality
2. Underwater Seats Available In Rear Uta:
1. Unlikely To Arrive
2. Unable To Ascend

Varig: Virgin’s Are Rare In Glasgow

Virgin: Very Interesting Ride; Going Into Nymphos

Airline Sound-alikes

Aer Lingus: Aer Fungus
Aeroperu: Aeroperhaps
Air Afrique: Air Freak(out)
Air Canada: Err Canada
Air France: Air Chance
Air Wisconsin: Scare Wisconsin
Alleghany Air: Agony Air (USAir since many years)
British Airways: 1. Brutish Airways 2. Brutish Scareways
Cascade Airways: Crashcade Scareways
Continental: Contemptible
Lufthansa: Lusthansa
Midwest Express: Midwest Excess (True, but worth it)
Mohawk: Slowhawk
Northwest: 1. Northworst 2. Northwaste
People Express: 1. CattleCar Express 2. People Distress 3. People Compress
Piedmont: Piedmonster (merged with USAir)
QuebecAir: Quick Air
TWA: TightWad Airlines
United: Untied
US Air: 1. Useless Air 2. US Scare 3. YouSAir
4. USAirheads

Slogans

Delta:
“We love to fly and it’s close”
“We love to show our flies”

Eastern: Who?

Mexicana: Where being Late is Fashionable