- Paint your home…day-glo orange.
- Read Homer in the original Greek.
- Learn Greek.
- Change your mind.
- Change it back.
- Watch the sun…see if it moves.
- Recite romantic poetry…to your toaster.
- Paint your windows.
- Paint.
- Smile.
- Paint a smile.
- Shoot at a fire hydrant.
- Apologize to it.
- See if you really can build a small nuclear device in your basement.
- Rotate your garden…daily.
- Plant a shoe.
- Write letters to all the political officials that are representing you, and tell them what a good job they are doing…on April 1st.
- Sweat.
- Give a Rorschach (Ink-blot) Test to your gerbil.
- Take apart all your major kitchen appliances.
- Mix and match the parts.
- Turn your TV picture tube upside down.
- Take your sofa for a walk.
- Write a letter to Plato.
- Mail it.
- Start.
- Stop.
- Put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets.
- Carry a tune.
- Drop it to see if it breaks.
- Starch your shoes.
- Contemplate a cockroach.
- Get a dog to chase your car.
- Let him catch it.
- Form a political party.
- Throw a political party.
- Climb a sidewalk.
- Ride a loaf of bread.
- Annoy yourself.
- Get angry with yourself.
- Stop speaking to yourself.
- Kiss and make-up.
- Stand on your head.
- Stand on someone else’s head.
- Learn everything there is to know about the Holy Roman Empire.
- Build a pyramid.
- Paint your teeth.
- Wear a salad.
- Speak with a forked tongue.
- MAKE a drive in window at your local bank.
- Walk on water…but DON’T get caught.
- Shave a shrub.
- Have a proton fight.
- Watch a car rust.
- Quiver.
- Confess to a crime that you didn’t commit.
- Learn to type…with your toes.
- Buy the Brooklyn Bridge.
- Mail it to a friend.
- Be in the wrong place at the right time.
- Be someone special.
- Plot the overthrow of your local School Board.
- Request covert assistance from the CIA.
- Factor your social security number. (Mine has only 3 prime factors)
- Take the fifth.
- Take the sixth.
- Read the 1962 Des Moines White Pages.
- Join the Foreign Legion.
- Learn to write Sanskrit.
- Learn to read Sanskrit.
- Exist…existentially of course.
- Search for buried treasure…in Nebraska.
- Hot wax the bottoms of your brother’s dress shoes.
- Print counterfeit Confederate money.
- Kick a cabbage.
- Take a picture.
- Put it back.
- Go back to square one.
- Sand a mushroom.
- Find the heat capacity of your chemistry professor.
- Play solitare…for cash.
- Abuse your patio furniture.
- Write a book about a previous life.
- Count to a million…fast.
- Have your cat bronzed.
- Make a quilt out of used cocktail napkins.
- Revert.
- Sleep on a bed of nails.
- Don’t toss and turn.
- Think shallow thoughts.
- Run around in squares.
- Boil ice cream.
- Carve your girl/boyfriends initials…in a marshmallow.
- Converse…with a flatworm.
- Speak in acronyms.
- Drive the speed limit…in your garage.
- Make a schematic drawing…of a rock.
- Be a rabid Boxcar Willi fan.
- Sing the National Anthem…during your calculus final.
- Pay off the national debt…with a bad check.
- Calmly have a nervous breakdown.
- Give your goldfish a perm.
- Fly a brick.
- Play tag…on the nearest interstate.
- Paint stripes on a lake.
- Ski Kansas.
- Test thin ice…with a pogo stick.
- Apply for a Unicorn Hunting License.
- Defend your neighborhood from roving Mongol hordes.
- Do a good job.
- Crawl.
- Be a side effect.
- Ride a bicycle…up Mt. McKinley.
- Play hockey with your little cousin…as the puck.
- Duck.
- Redecorate your garage.
- Develope a complex.
- Join the Army…be someone simple.
- Try harder.
- Hit the deck.
- Cut the deck.
- Make a deal with the Devil…keep your fingers crossed.
- Put legwarmers on all your furniture.
- Be number six.
- Sit.
- Stay.
- Roll over.
- Play dead.
- Scheme.
- Sprinkle your family room.
- Cause a power failure.
- Pour instant concrete in your brothers waterbed.
- Give a lecture tour on the historical signifigance of cream cheese.
- Wrigle.
- Debate politics with a fern.
- If you lose stop watering it.
- Donate your brother’s body to science.
- Join Hell’s Angels by mail.
- Wonder.
- Give your cat a suntan…in the microwave.
- Be a square root.
- Park your car…with a friend.
- Park your car…with a group of friends.
- Ask stupid questions.
- Spew.
- Surf Ohio.
- Go bowling…for small game.
- Have your first statement of bankruptcy framed.
- Hang it on the wall in your office.
- Staple.
- Solve the population problem. i.e. x + 2y – 16x = population; solve for x.
- Contribute to the population problem.
- Interview a cloud.
- Play tiddly-winks…go for blood.
- Go to a drive-in movie in a tank.
- Go to a non-drive-in movie in a tank and drive in anyway.
- Crumble.
- Crumple.
- Translate Shakespeare into English.
- Send the president an alarm clock…wind it up first.
- Do aerobics…in your head.
- Play cards with your swimming pool.
- Found a cockroach stable and stud farm.
- Send your goldfish to obedience school.
- Pinstripe your driveway.
- Play “Kick the fire-hydrant.”
- Harness chipmunk power
- Free the opressed toaster-ovens of America.
- Free the obsessed toaster-ovens of America.
- Change your name…daily.
- Go for a walk…in the attic.
- Challenge the neighbor kid to duel.
- Regress.
- Find out how many ways there really are to skin a cat.
- Go bow hunting…for Toyotas.
- Kidnap Cabbage Patch Kids.
- Boldly go where no man has gone before.
- Jump back.
- Play to lose.
- Scalp a VW.
- Be a threat to the American way of life.
- Be a threat to the Northwest Tibetan way of life.
- Re-establish the Roman Empire…in Toronto.
- Have your car painted plaid.
- Found the TLO (Toledo Liberation Organization.)
- Play nuclear chicken with a small third world nation.
- Race turnips.
- Give your grandmother a raise…and another week paid vacation.
- Sharpen your sleeping skills.
- Put out a fire.
- If you can’t find one make one.
- Ionize your new chemistry professor (remember you found the heat capacity of the first one)
- Make a lifesized replica of the Statue of Liberty…out of grape jello.
- Tree a goldfish.
- Get a college education.
- Bury your fathers Nissan.
- Tell him the dog did it.
- Catch a falling star.
- Throw it back.
- Place your cat in hyper-space.
- Again tell your dad the dog did it.
- Corner the market on Agnew in ’76 buttons.
- Find out where all these cylinders graduated from.
- Install handicapped access to the your favorite pathetic baseball team’s dugout.
- Kickstart your TV.
- Kickstop your TV.
- Perfect the internal cumbustion telephone.
- Prove once and for all that a cow can jump over the moon.
- Complain to God that Jupiter has more moons than we do.
- Wax the ceiling.
- Loosen the lug nuts on your dad’s new car.
- Drop your cat from a high place, to see if it really does land on all four feet.
- Repeat above until failure.
- Rearrange political campaign signs.
- Sharpen your teeth.
- Play Houdini with one of your siblings.
- Braid your dogs hair.
- Clean and polish your belly button.
- Water your dog…see if he grows.
- Wash a tree.
- Knight yourself and some close friends.
- Found the Jim Jones’ School of Modern Bartending.
- Flirt with an evergreen.
- Scare Steven King.
- Give your cat a mohawk.
- Purr.
- Mow your carpet.
- Rake your carpet (to clean up the clippings.)
- Whine.
- Dress like your favorite Heavy Metal group…surprise your grandmother.
- Listen to a painting.
- Play with matches.
- Buff your cat.
- Raise professional racing ferrets.
- Make a list of things to do when bored.
- Renumber the bored list…
If you liked this, you might also like: master card proposal
Posted in: Funny Lists
Random Post | Submit a Joke
Posted in: Funny Lists