1. If you ask me technical questions please dont argue with me because you dont like my answer. If you think you know more about the topic, why ask? And if Im arguing with you…its because I am positive that I am correct, otherwise Id just say I dont know or give you some tips on where to look it up, I dont have the time to just argue for the sake of it.
2. Starting a conversation by insulting yourself (i.e. Im such an idiot) will not make me laugh, or feel sorry for you; all it will do is remind me that yes, you are an idiot and that I am going to hate having to talk to you. Trust me; you dont want to start a call that way.
3. I am ok with you making mistakes, fixing them is my job. I am not ok with you lying to me about a mistake you made. It makes it much harder to resolve and thus makes my job more difficult. Be honest and we can get the problem resolved and continue on with our business.
4. There is no magic Fix it button. Everything takes some amount of work to fix, and not everything is worth fixing or even possible to fix. If I say that you just need to re-do a document that you accidentally deleted 2 months ago, please dont get mad at me. Im not ignoring your problem, and its not that I dont like you, I just cant always fix everything.
5. Not everything you ask me to do is urgent. In fact, by marking things as urgent every time, you almost ensure that I treat none of it as a priority.
6. You are not the only one who needs help, and you usually dont have the most urgent issue. Give me some time to get to your problem, it will get fixed.
7. Emailing me several times about the same issue in the same day is not only unnecessary, its highly annoying. Emails will stay until I delete them, I wont delete them until Im done with them. I will typically respond as soon as I have a useful update. If it is an urgent issue, let me know (see number 5).
8. Yes, I prefer email over telephone calls. It has nothing to do with being friendly, its about efficiency. It is much faster and easier for me to list out a set of questions that I need you to answer than it is for me to call and ask you them one by one. You can find the answers at your leisure and while Im waiting I can work on other problems.
9. Yes, I seem blunt and rude. Its not that I mean to, I just dont have the time to sugar coat things for you. I assume we are both adults and can handle the reality of a problem. If you did something wrong, I will tell you. I dont care that it was a mistake, because it really makes no difference to me. Dont take it personal, I just dont want it to happen again.
10. And finally, yes, I can read your email, I can see what web pages you look at while you are at work, yes, I can access every file on your work computer, and I can tell if you are chatting with people on an instant messenger or chat room (and can also read what you are typing). But no, I dont do it. Its unethical, Im busy, and in all reality you arent all that interesting. So unless I am instructed to specifically monitor or investigate your actions, I dont. There really are much more interesting things on the internet than you.